adrianaforreal: Blog

It ain't braggin' if it's true

adrianaforreal — Fri, 15 Feb 2008 03:57:39 +0000

Girl behaving badly

adrianaforreal — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 03:25:16 +0000

I've been up to no good lately. It's been fun. After my little extended stay in Detroit, I came home with the intention of being a homebody for awhile and taking care of some shit that needed to be taken care of.

That lasted all of about 2 days.

Last week was a lot of birthdays. My wifey turned 26, I join her sooner than I care to think about. I know we're old now because her last few birthdays neither of us remember, but the pictures are priceless. We did end up crashing a birthday party Friday night at the bar though. So maybe that makes up for it?

It's Lent. I'm not a religious person at all. I wouldn't even say I'm overly spiritual. However, I was raised Catholic (I may still have a little plaid skirt around somewhere ) and it makes my parents happy if I go through the motions. So midnight mass at Christmas, a head cold got me out of it this year, and Lent are my two big ones. I love my mom, my dad and I are making progress. I try to make them happy. I eat vegetarian about 90% of the time just out of habit. I'm a little hippie rabbit. So this year I really struggled with what to "give up". I finally decided on piercings. Don't laugh! Everything is nearly healed so I was thinking about getting my daith done. I'm having a hard time this year with the meat thing too. Like I said, most days I eat vegetarian if not vegan just out of a - habit and b- I'm allergic to dairy. However, on Friday all I wanted were chicken fingers. I am notorious for this. As soon as we figured out I was lactose intolerant all I wanted was chocolate milk. I don't even like it! But if you tell me I can't have/do something...guess what my little heart desires most. Anyway, the point of the Catholic explanation...

I recently bought a piece of canvas and some new brushes. I can't find my godamn paints anywhere. I painted a lot in college...half art major...hi. I have no useful skills!! So ever since I was a little girl, my mother taught me to pray to St Anthony when you lose things. He's not listening. I even bought her a St Anthony pendant in New Orleans last summer because we both "misplace" things a lot. I have torn the house upside down. All of my artwork, check. Sketch pads, check. Newprint pads, check. Pencils and markers, check. Paint and brushes...NOWHERE. Seriously, I'm tearing my hair out. I sketched out a design...ok, tell me if this is lame...Brad, my artist, is opening his own shop next month. Hold Fast is the name of the shop. It's a Lucero song and of course, the sailor connotation. So I drew up an anchor with a rope wrapped around it and decided to throw down some paint for the first time in 5 years as a shop opening gift. Plus painting is a big release for me.

I had a pretty rough week emotionally this week. The sister and Fitz really pulled me through. I have to get serious about this job search thing. I'm sick of listening to myself bitch about it. There was mild drama with le ex too. That led to me making some ill advised decisions Friday night. Which of course led to pouting on Saturday. I hate letting him get to me. I hope he falls in a hole. (Just kidding karma!) But seriously...I need to put on my big girl pants and deal with it. Oh, and I restocked the beer fridge today so...come have a drink with me.

Have a good week!
xoxo - a

Back in the 'nati

adrianaforreal — Mon, 04 Feb 2008 04:51:40 +0000

This week/weekend was a wonderful recovery from the past few weeks of hell. Spending time with the seester is always the best remedy. Seeing Ben Nichols and Chuck Ragan most definitely helped a bunch too. Add into that James, my piercer, and you have a very happy Adriana. James met us at Magic Stick for the show Weds and Friday we went to the shop and gave him all of our money. I was his afternoon project.

I switched out my two helix on my left ear, got smaller beads for my conch, switched out the tygon on those other piercings and re-pierced my lobes to be 12g. There was no way I was going to wait 6-8 months for those cute little pink plugs. I said I'd stop at 10g, but Katy and I were looking at plugs tonight and I may go to an 8g. Nothing below a 6g. They say 2g is the "point of no return" and 4g is pushing it. I am terrified of having butthole ears. You know what I'm talking about. When I'm 80 I may not want 6g holes in my ears. Then again...

So how bout them Giants? Fuck you Tom Brady. He's kind of a douche.

I am relaxed, but I can't fall asleep. I don't want to go to work tomorrow. I'm sort of scared. I have no idea what kind of shitstorm I'm about to walk into tomorrow. Oh well. One day at a time. Right?

A heart so true

adrianaforreal — Fri, 01 Feb 2008 02:38:07 +0000

So last night was pretty much the best night of my entire life. I met the love of my life, Ben Nichols, and he gave me a high five for my ribs. I stood within 2 feet of Chuck Ragan for his entire set and then this happened.

Fuck Armageddon this is Hell

adrianaforreal — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 04:33:47 +0000

So today has been so fucking shitty I have no words. Between work, my douchebag ex, my sister's douchebag ex and finding out that yet another one of my friends is being shipped out to Iraq...I'm fucking over it.

I am just going to put this out there. I don't agree with this fucking war. A trained monkey could lead this country better. I am sick of being ruled by fear and intimidation. I'm sick of paying $35 to fill my tiny ass little gas tank. I don't like to talk about politics or religion or things like that because I really do believe everyone has a right to their opinion...even if it's wrong. I'm kidding. I was a journalism minor. I fully support freedom of speech and press and this country has had both stifled. There is no such thing as unbiased news, we all know it. Everyone has an agenda. But when was the last time you saw/read real news. I know the inner workings of Britney Spears' custody battle, but when was the last time I read something about Darfur? I'm sick of these "of the moment" celeb causes. I don't watch tv or read the paper because you're not going to get a straight fucking answer anyway.

So anyway. I have a couple of friends who joined the army/marines. I'm not going to dog our troops. I know plenty of them who don't agree with this war but are fighting it anyway because they feel its their duty. That's fucking admirable. I don't give a shit what anyone else says. My little brother joined the marines because he has an overdeveloped sense of duty and loyalty and he felt it was the right thing to do. The year he was gone I couldn't read or watch the news. Everytime you hear "5 marines killed" you hold your breath and pray. I can't go through that again.

One of my best friends and the most stand up guy you will ever meet is going. He and little brother are in the same whatever you call it. So I don't know if this means he's going too yet. Having both of them over there...I'll be a nervous fucking wreck. I can't even think about this. It makes me want to throw up.

On to my sister. I'm really worried about her. She and her idiot ex broke up around the same time me and mine did. After 3 months of trying to figure shit out I told mine to fuck off. It was hard and it hurt, but it helped me get over him and move on. My dumbass sister (I shouldn't say that, she's young) is still sort of seeing hers. He is a fucking tool. I have never liked him, she knows this. I threatened him 3 years ago. "If you so much as make her frown, I will reign terror upon your world." I owe him a good old fashioned beat down. I am sending her all my strength and love tonight so she finally does what's best for her. That's my main concern. I'm sick of seeing her get hurt and the phone calls with her sounding so fucking devastated it breaks my heart. She deserves better and I'll fucking kill him if he comes near her again. I have a personalized Louisville Slugger and I am itching to put my name across his fucking forehead.

I love my sisters more than anyone else on this planet. No one will ever come before them. You hurt one of them, I will fuck you up. I don't like to get involved, she needs to learn and make mistakes and all of that. I just hate to see her hurt so bad. Especially when I know how bad it hurts. I'd give anything to prevent either of them from ever having to feel that. Sometimes I hate being the oldest. You feel this sense of responsibility, like you HAVE to do these things. I don't want to be overprotective, but they're my heart.

So in short, I'm fucking angry today. I want to throw things and yell and cry because life isn't fucking fair. I know it's not and I don't really want it to be. All the bullshit has made me so fucking strong. I'm not afraid of anything. (Except spiders. Fucking foul ass nasty spiders.) I know I've been through hell and it toughened me up. Nothing can hurt worse, nothing can be scarier. Not that I'm not afraid of losing people I love. I am blessed with some amazing friends and family. You have to learn to be self reliant though. If you're not, that's fucking suicide. Some people think that's cold. I'm not. I love a lot of people and a lot of them are inside my walls, but you never give one person everything because when they leave, they take it with them. Then what are you left with?

Now that I have totally pulled a Debbie Downer (I feel so much better after I purge my thoughts like this though), I'm off to soak my ear and get some sleep. I hope.

For your listening pleasure

adrianaforreal — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 02:15:40 +0000

1/22/08 Playlist

Blood Brothers - Set Fire to the Face on Fire
Hot Water Music - Bleeder
Alkaline Trio - Cooking Wine
Sage Francis - High Step
Bad Religion - Change Of Ideas
Bear vs Shark - 5, 6 Kids
Anti-Flag - This Is The End
Bayside - Devotion and Desire
A Wilhelm Scream - God Loves A Liar
Tiger Army - Under Saturn's Shadow
Billy Talent - Try Honesty
Bright Eyes - Lover I Don't Have To Love
Signal Home - Two To Romance (A Story To Guide You Home)
Pixies - Debaser
Dangerdoom - Mince Meat
Matt Skiba - Next To You
Minus The Bear - I'm Totally Not Down With Rob's Alien
Moneen - I Have Never Done Anything For Anyone That Was Not For Me As Well
The Pretty Weapons - Highway Sunrise Jam Song
Aiden - We Sleep Forever
Alkaline Trio - Exploding Boy
Bad Religion - The Quickening

Forget everything you think you know about me

adrianaforreal — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 04:49:24 +0000

I'm tapping out.

I'm no good at the games and the bullshit and the figuring shit out. I remember how easy it was in high school. I thought it'd get easier when I got older. Then again after the age of 17 I didn't think I'd ever have to worry about it. Whatever. That is neither here nor there. The past isn't coming back.

I wish that I knew what I wanted so I could teach myself to live without it.

Your voice like the sound of sirens to a house on fire.

adrianaforreal — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 21:03:01 +0000

I'm going to the shop tonight and not for me! I'm sad. Abbey is getting Totoros on her calves. I think it's going to be awesome. I'm taking in the drawings of my cherry blossom tree for my right shoulder. I'm going to try and hold off until my birthday. It's only 4 months and 2 days. Not that I'm counting...I never thought I'd say this but I can't wait to be 26. 25 was the worst year of my life I think. Cheers to that being over soon.

I can't decide which one I like better. I think the tree because I can connect it to my star and wave. But I love the simplicity of the green one.

I don't want to jinx it...but I totally am trying to follow my hippie mother's advice here and put out lots of positive energy and create a self fulfilling prophecy.

So...the visuals team just put in a request for another designer. This means I could work with Abbey and do what I love. Also probably major pay raise. Please, oh please let this happen!! I would be able to stay here and go to Mexico and next June I'm fully vested. Which is good as I haven't made enough money in my life yet to save shit. God, that whole sentence made me sound old and like everything I hate. Ugh.

Chicago in 10 days!! Ben Nichols!! Chuck Ragan!! Brad Rouse? We'll find out tonight. I have to get my industrial taken out. Sadness. I have to put a barbell in the conch and a ring in the helix. That fucker just does not want to heal. I wonder why...I'm so bad to my piercings. Actually, the two I thought would be the worst are the only ones that are 100%. It's just my stupid ears. I need to not sleep on them, stop talking on the phone so much, and most definitely not use my headphones. Well, not likely. I've been listening to Alkaline Trio - S/T A LOT. My iTunes goes straight into Crimson after that. The difference in their sound is so crazy. I mean, I love Trio. Way too much. However, I really only love, love Godamnit, S/T and Maybe I'll Catch Fire. I like everything else, but it's just not the same as their early shit. I remember the first time I heard them. My friend Emily put it on in the car on the way home from school, I was 16 and she played me Trouble Breathing because she thought the line "look at how godamn ugly the stars are" was the most profound shit ever. At 16 I guess it is. Still, I was hooked. Skiba is fucking amazing.

I've had Cooking Wine stuck in my head for the last 4 days. It's become my shower song. Oh yeah, I sing in the shower. Now I keep going back and forth between '97 and Nose Over Tail. That's a good shower song. Mandy and I like to play "What would make a good Guitar Hero song?" We're so lame. I need to break down and buy it. I like alcohol and new tattoos better than Guitar Hero though.

ONE HOUR. I can't concentrate today. I am so fucking ADD. That not sleeping thing last night didn't help. I'm fucking loopy today. C'est la vie. I need to go get Abbey back for the shit she pulled on me earlier. I went to a meeting and she changed my background to these midgets. This is the second time she's done this to me. Then she snuck up on me when I had my headphones in and stomped on bubble wrap. I almost fell out of my chair. I get to work before she does. Muahahahahaha. I was going to call Brad and tell him about the dream she had about him drawing up her tattoo all crazy and have him do it. That was too much work though.

44 MINUTES.

I need this new job.

Tonight ain't gonna be good

adrianaforreal — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 06:33:28 +0000

It's one of those nights where I'm up waaaay too late. My mind is too preoccupied to sleep. I had a pretty good weekend. Last night was hard. I had a good time, but it was weird being in Columbus and not being with him. It felt awkward. I was really glad to come home. To what? An empty bed and a full mind. As anti relationship as I am right now, which is very, some days you just want to come home and have someone there to reassure you. I just want someone to be there to wrap their arms around me and tell me it's all going to be ok. I want to believe them too. Of course it's all going to be fine. It always is. I always am. Reassurance is always appreciated though. I'm just so fucking stressed out. I have 9 days until Chicago. Please don't snow. Not that I'd mind being stuck in Chicago with the company I plan on bringing...but I fucking hate the snow. I can't wait for spring. It's fucking 1:30. I have to be up in 5 hours. I'm going to go wait for morning. and pray for just a few minutes of stolen dreams.

Come play with me

adrianaforreal — Sat, 19 Jan 2008 05:22:09 +0000

Ok, one of these days I will learn...I am lactose intolerant. Ice cream is a BAD IDEA. I was going to go see the boys tonight and instead I am cuddled up with my laptop trying not to throw up. I couldn't help it...we found a Friendly's!! I'm pretty sure it's just an Ohio/Midwest thing...oh it was so yummy. It took me back to my childhood. Was it worth it? Oh yes. I am a glutton for punishment. So since it's midnight on a Friday/Saturday and I have nothing better to do than whine about my tummy ache...let's play a game. Prizes may be rewarded.

Step 1: Put your music player on shuffle.
Step 2: Post the first line (or so) from the first 20 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing.
Step 3: Strike through the songs when someone guesses both artist and track correctly.
Step 4: For those who are guessing -- looking the lyrics up on a search engine is CHEATING!
Step 5: If you like the game post your own.

1. No one knows what's it like to be the bad man. To be the sad man.
2. White riot - I wanna riot. White riot - a riot of my own.
3.....Calling all Americans of above-average intelligence...College graduates, apply today...Come decimate dictatorships and overthrow regimes.
4. A new age of reason. Brain treason to trick the mind. What good is searching if nothing's there to find?
5. Don't you ask me to come out when the sun does shine. Let us stay here with curtains drawn in darkness you'll be mine.
6. Oh Serena, Oh Serena, Oh Serena I know what they're saying about you.
7. The new is out all over town. That you've been seen out running round.
8. Through the park, past the dog run. Smell of shit burning in the sun.
9. Flying through a dark prismatic tunnel on a carousel. The earth is turning and you know it very well.
10. You're alright, you're alive, you're the number one. They said that you're not ashamed of what you've done. Everyone makes mistakes. Make it up you'll be ok. That's what they tell you.
11. I never bite off more than I can chew but then she came and bit me. I never bite off more than I can chew but then she bit my leg.
12. Everybody is tired and poor and sick of trying. If you see me on the corner will you stop or will you splash me?
13. Please don't be technology so I can't turn off your love like some cold machine. Don't feed me scraps from your bed I won't be the stray coming back just to be fed.
14. Here I sit and wait throughout my days waiting for something, for my spirit to ascend. It's not that I so badly want to die, but at these times i struggle for desire to live.
15. People try to put us down. Just because we get around.
16. Pretty much been alone now for almost five years. Well, I could always find a way to hide these bitter tears.
17. Oh me oh my get out of your 1950's fantasy, your face shines with misery, transparently. Spew out that sobering half-assed victim rhetoric.
18. Dead end girl on the outside looking in. On a dead end world in which she cannot live. And she'd love to leave for some place all alone. And she'd love to live far from every face or name she's ever known.
19. There's a hope in my head that's been cut and bled dry as your bloodshot eyes. And there's smoke in the air and it's soon to clear revealing our demise.
20. Sorry I'm late I was out spoiling my liver. I couldn't wait. The sun was up for far too long today.
And I can't see straight but the two of you look awfully pretty.

Good luck. Make me proud.

Keep 'em coming

adrianaforreal — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 18:57:36 +0000

14 hours ahead, a head that's heavier than lead. and I've got toothpicks in my eyes. a smile more yellow than the sky. I've got a song stuck in my head, one that I miss more than my bed. It's a song sung from a fallen milkman who's drinking bleach instead. I'm much like him. 14 hours unfed, I spent the last cents in my head. They're worth much less than pennies now. Food for one thought shared with a crowd. and I've got a painting in my head, a deeper blue bled thicker red. More red than Bloody Mary's coast to coast. I hate flying I said, that's what I said. Sad, sorry excuse. Just like everything that made her smile and everything I use. I won't go back to the way it was. I'm now huffing gas and sniffing paint to take away this buzz that I call you. 14 hours ahead, a head that's heavier than lead. Toothpicks pry open eyes. a smile more yellow than the sky. I've got a song stuck in my head, one that I miss more than my bed. It's a song sung from a fallen milkman who's drinking bleach instead. I'm much like him. 14 hours unfed, I spent the last cents in my head. They're worth much less than pennies now. Food for one thought shared with a crowd. I've got a painting in my head, a deeper blue bled thicker red. More red than Bloody Mary's coast to coast. I hate flying I said, that's what I said. Sad, sorry excuse. Just like everything that made her smile and everything I use. I won't go back to the way it was. cause I'm now huffing gas and sniffing paint to take away this buzz that I call you.

Who said I want her tame?

adrianaforreal — Sun, 13 Jan 2008 23:33:34 +0000

So I think I have fallen head over heels in love. I was bored the other night and I was listening to Lucero - Tears Don't Matter Much and Ben mentions three other musicians. Matt Bradley, Doug Deluca and Cory Branan. I looked all three up. Cory Branan hit me hard. Survivor Blues is fucking brilliant. I immediately bought his album The Hell You Say. Some of it is more rock, some of it is a little...well, twangy. I have never liked country music. EVER. When I was in college I took this awesome class, The History of Rock and Roll. One of the first genres we covered was bluegrass and moved forward and I kind of developed a short lived affection for Hank Sr and Patsy Cline and I have always loved Johnny Cash. Who doesn't? That was as far as it went. Then Brad introduced me to Lucero at a time in my life where I needed them. Imagine going through the worst heartache imaginable and listening to lyrics like

"

Smoking cigarettes more than I should
My hands won't stop shaking and that can't be good
I would forget you if I only could
Think about anything else"

or

"I'm tired of all of these love songs
Those girls and those times are gone
but my heart keeps holding on
well I'm tired of thinking about you
and the hell that you put me through
but the songs eat up some of the pain
take the place of the tears
and ease the heartache over you my dear "

or

"'cause there's something 'bout just laying down and taking all that pain
I’d rather drive all night, if it's all the same
'cause half a tank of gas will get me far enough
to be completely lost by the time the sun comes up"

Ben Nichols saved my life with his whiskey soaked growl. After that I guess I became a fan of his unique breed of southern rock. I'd play it for people and they'd look at me like I was crazy. I'd drive around for hours listening to it and just crying. I know, I'm so fucking emo. I was 25 before I got my heart broken, I had no idea how to deal with it. Country was apparently the answer.

When I was 5 my favorite song was Bargain by The Who. I have always been little miss rock and roll. I like to think of myself as having an open mind...while we're making confessions...I love Kanye West. Fuck you. He's original and different and fucking hilarious. He takes himself so seriously...but I don't care. Graduation is fucking brilliant.

I digress.

So anyway, all last week I listened to a mix of Lucero, Cory Branan, Neko Case and other folky, country randomness. Then Friday something snapped in me. One of the fun things about me is I'm sort of schizo. I'm like three different girls in one. I am chill and laid back and will sit around and drink beers and shoot the shit, watch a game...whatev. I can go out and be total party girl and drink your ass under the table, or I can put on a dress and heels and be a total lady. Well...as lady like as I can get. The point is, I am never boring. So Friday, the bad girl came out. I went from country and southern rock and folk to this.

AFI - The Leaving Song Pt 2 (Shut up assholes)
Against Me! - Scream Until You're Coughing Up Blood
Aiden - We Sleep Forever
Bear vs Shark - Seven Stop Hold Restart (The chorus is just him screaming)
Bigwig - Hold On Fucker
Blessthefall - Could Tell A Love
Chiodos - The Words Best Friend Become Redefined
The Dangerous - Stolen Lungs
A Day To Remember - The Plot To Bomb The Panhandle
Deviates - Come With Me (I LOVED these dudes in college. I drove to Cleveland to see them)
Escape The Fate - The Webs We Weave
The Falcon - The Angry Cry of The Angry Pie
Gallows - Abandon Ship (Fucking amazing live)
H20 - I See It In Us (Since 15 I have loved this band)
Love Equals Death - Bombs Over Brooklyn
The Matches - Sick Little Suicide
Moneen - Don't Ever Tell Locke What He Can't Do
No Trigger - Bust Tropical
Norma Jean - Songs Sound Much Sadder
Poison The Well - Letter Thing
Protest The Hero - Heretics and Killers
Refused - New Noise
Rise Against - Join The Ranks
Scattertheashes - City In The Sea
Scotch Greens - Professional
Set Your Goals - This Song Is Definitely Not About A Girl
Trust Foundation - Old Man Maple
The Unseen - At Point Blank
Vanna - The Alarm

The point of this? Maybe to convince myself I don't listen to country music? I like a little bit of everything and I don't like it when people judge you on what bands you like or what books you've read...we all do it. I'm guilty. I think of what Rob Gordon says in Hig Fidelity "Call me shallow, but these things fucking matter." So love me...love Lucero. Nobody's Darling came from the name of a song, and album by Lucero. I'm not kidding, they changed me. I'm still fucking crazy. I still like hardcore, but as I get older I find myself having more mellow moments. No worries though, I'd still gut James Taylor like a fish. I hate that dude. And Bob Seeger. Another story for another time. Dinner is now.

I want out of here there's got to be someplace for the dream in me

adrianaforreal — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 20:06:30 +0000

I cracked the display on my cell phone last night. This will be my third version of this phone since I got it in July. When I busted up my old one. Drunk dialing is dangerous on many levels. No this one I dropped while it was open. In the snow. Isn't snow supposed to be soft? I have no caller ID now. BAD. I ignore a lot of calls. Ok, that's not true. Unless I'm sleeping. Or ANTM is on.

My head cold is spreading!! I got my sister, my friend Justin and Diana sick. Ha! I feel a little bad...but not too much. I had to be sick. I'd make my killed homemade chicken soup for everyone but Katy and Justin both live too far. Sucks for them!

I think I'm going to go dark with my hair...I had dark hair before. I liked it. I'm nervous. I always go back to blonde eventually but I'm just so over it right now. I want something drastic and I refuse to cut my hair off again. That shit is too much work. I'm a lazy girl. I woke up at 7:15 this morning. I have to be here by 8. Time is a relative concept to me these days.

Tonight will be my last night with Fitz. She leaves tomorrow morning to go back to Nola. I want to go visit! Hit Memphis on the way down. Make a nice week out of it. I've only ever been to New Orleans in the dead of summer. It's misery. I was there is August and it was so hot you just melted. After dark you hit up Cafe du Monde for some beignets and cafe au lait. Well this of course is after you are done stumbling down Bourbon St. Pat O'Bs hurricanes will knock you out. One (they're huge) and I missed and fell off Bourbon. Which smells. Seriously. Foulest smelling place on Earth. I love it. That city is so full of life and happiness. If I could find a job, I'd live there in a heartbeat.

I want to be a blogger. I'd stay at home with the dog and sit around and drink tea and comment on whatever I find relevant.

2 hours and counting...god I hate this place.

So this is the new year and I don't feel any different

adrianaforreal — Wed, 02 Jan 2008 15:42:37 +0000

My NYE was crazy! I most definitely brought 2008 in with a bang. Quality.

As for the day after...couch + ANTM marathon = hangover heaven. The first thing I did when I got home was take the longest, hottest shower ever. Then I put on my jammies, watched Pirate's 3, drank a lot of McDonald's coke and the ANTM goodness started. When I woke up this morning it was still on, so at 6:30 am I was lying in bed watching ANTM instead of getting ready for work. This is my life.

As far as resolutions, I tried to keep it simple because I never keep them. I'm going to attempt to this year.

1. Run the Flying Pig 5K in May. Training starts Monday. Amanda convinces me to do the craziest shit. It's 3.1 miles. I can do this. Right?

2. Quit my job. Really there is nothing else to say. I don't know what the plan is after that. I just want to quit. New job, school, something, anything...I just have to quit this place.

3. Say goodbye. There's a lot of dead weight in my life. I'm sick of people that hold me back or that don't listen to me, or honestly just plain irritate me. You're gone. I'm done. No more negativity. Please lose my number, I may have already lost yours.

4. Get serious about my writing. I want to be published. I have an idea...I just need to do it .

5. Paint. I gave it up for so long and I miss it. So I'm going to find where I stashed my supplies, pull my grandmother's easel out and throw down.

I think those are all attainable/fairly realistic. I'm terrified to run a 5K, but like Amanda said, I have 5 months to prepare, the training is only an 8 week program. I could do it twice! Quitting my job is my driver. I'm looking into school more than another job. I don't want to work for someone else the rest of my life. I HATE IT. The sight of this place just depresses me. While I'll miss my G5, I do have my adorable MacBook Pro at home to fill the void. It may not have the 23" cinema display, but it does fit nicely in bed with me.

Ok, I'm so fucking tired, but I have things I'm supposed to be doing and caring about. Motivation is something I sure could use some help with as well.

How could you forget underwear? You knew we were going to Flint!

adrianaforreal — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 15:42:17 +0000

This weekend has been weird. It has had the highest highs and the lowest lows.

Friday I was still arguing with myself about going up to Michigan to see HC's band play. I had stickers printed for them and I needed to get them to him. But there is always DHL, right? So I decided to spend Friday evening with my Diana and we went to dinner and did some shopping. We went to this Mexican place I luuuurve called Jalapeno's. I order my current fave beer, Dos Equis Ambar. Yum! The waiter asks small or large. I say large thinking of my usual haunt, the Irish place where large = imperial pint aka 20 oz. He brings me a fucking fishbowl margarita glass of beautiful beer. I get the bill....$4. I fucking love this place.

I go home and I'm still getting over my cold so I fall asleep by midnight watching Futurama. My phone buzzes at me around 1. "Are you coming tomorrow?" I roll back over and ignore it. I have weird dreams all night and wake up at 5am. I have a new text...from Brad (my tattoo artist). He never texts me, especially not at 2am. I wonder if he and that girl are still together. "When are Ben and Chuck playing?" I write him back and tell him I have tickets to the Hot Water Music/Lucero show in Chicago on Feb 1st.

I go back to sleep for a bit and at 9 decide I have to go. I need an answer and sitting at home is not going to do it. Plus, I had a bad week and I miss seester. She always makes it better. I get ready and hit the road. I drive like a Detroit asshole, since I've been living part time in Detroit it's gotten much worse. I make ridiculous time getting up there. As soon as I get there seester and I take her friend Terra to work and stop by Whole Foods to pick up some goodies for dinner. We go home and she makes me dinner because she's the bestest and we hang out waiting to go to Flint. I am nervous. Detroit Asshole #2 makes a 55 minute drive in 35 minutes. Fuck.

I do NOT want to go in this place. It's a Salvation Army Citadel. No lies. She drags me in and the boy is on stage playing guitar. He waves and come over to talk to us. No one else is there. We make awkward small talk for awhile, I haven't seen him in 5 years, and Katy and I go adventuring. We find the bathroom. It smells like cough syrup and there are birdhouses everywhere. Katy says she hears a dog...??? We go back out and there is a dog. And a Snapple Machine!! No Snapple? She ends up with some Snapple Juiced thing that we have never ever seen before and I hit the pink lemonade button. I get yellow lemonade. Boo!

One of his friends comes over and he says "show my friends your new tattoo!" They guy starts unbuttoning his pants, I'm like...hey now! He drops trou and there is a giant wiener (technical term) tattooed on his thigh. Classy. His drummer comes over, Katy points out to me that he looks IDENTICAL to my douchebag ex boyfriend. I start giving him the stink eye out of habit. Sorry.

Then the dodgeball game starts. Oh yes. Michigan vs Ohio. Ohio owned. It's just like football. Ha. Anyway, we watch retard dodgeball and make fun of the people there. Boys, girls...EVERYONE is wearing skinny jeans. Everyone has a lip piercing. I am feeling left out. Then this kid comes in wearing a t-shirt with a cowboy shirt over it, an argyle sweater over that and a hoodie. Big black plastic frame glasses and a very straight billed baseball hat. He throws his hoodie down and screams "Let me in this shit!" Katy and I die a little on the inside. We're such bitches, really...we know.

Dodgeball is over and we go to watch the show. First up is some chubby 30 year old singing covers with his acoustic guitar. If I hear one more cover of "Your Love" I'ma throw something at someone. Seriously. Stop. There is a chick walking around with a bucket of mac & cheese handing it out. What fresh hell is this? I am so done.

Next up is HC's band. Oh. My. Goodness. Look, I like a lot of harder shit, I'm not into a lot of screaming usually, but if it's good I can do it. Metal is not now, nor has it ever been my "thing". Double bass drum, incoherent screaming...I can't do this. 3 of what felt like the longest songs ever and they're done. I can't really say anything to him about what I thought because who knows...they might have been awesome. I don't like metal. I don't know. I don't care. We go kick it back in the nursery for awhile and Katy begs me to leave. We decide to adventure. At night. Through downtown Flint. Have you ever seen Michael Moore's Roger and Me? That's Flint. No seriously, it's about Flint. We told Pops where we were and his reaction was "You were on Kearnsy?! You could have been shot!" Awesome. All for some crappy metal band. We go back and say goodbye, I can't even deal with this anymore. I got my answer.

We drive home very quietly and when we get home there are grape bombs and SVU. My seester gets me. We're lame and we pass out. We wake up to dog's barking. We both think it's our dad. If you'd ever met him, you'd know why. Dude has Tourettes or some shit. For real. He's so weird. We go back to sleep as restless as it may be for both of us. Leetle Seester calls at 11. "We're here". Well fuck. They say they'll give us an hour and come back. We get up and do a shot, it's too early for Pops and other seester. We're waiting and waiting...and we text seester 2. She says they're at BD's. WTF?! We get very mad and Katy texts her and I call her and we're mean. She cries because she was just kidding. Don't mess with 2 hungover bitches about lunch.

Pops takes us to Papa Joe's. It's like a Whole Foods or Dorothy Lane and they have samples of everything. Cheap ass didn't want to take his three lovely daughters out for lunch. We made him anyway. We stop by Trader Joe's and he runs in and we stay in the car. We move it. Captain Senility comes prancing down the aisle with the cart, looks up and realizes the car is gone. The look on his face was PRICELESS. He looks over and we're all crying laughing. He swears at us and laughs and we continue our adventure to La Shish! It's an arabic/mediterranean place. We should have been kicked out for our behavior. It's now 3ish and I still have to drive back to Ohio. I hate driving after dark because I can't see. I reluctantly leave the seester and head home. I am doing 95 through Michigan. I love this state. I hit Ohio and take it down to about 85. It's now getting dark, I'm about halfway home. All of the sudden I see something in my rearview. Hmm...it looks like flashing lights. FUCK. I never even saw the son of a bitch. I have NEVER been pulled over. I am 25. For the last 3 years I have been driving a Celica. Not even a warning, nothing. I get clocked at 86 in a 65. I'm not getting out of this one. $95. Now I'm pissed.

I put on some Lucero and zone out and set the cruise at 70 and ride the right lane the rest of the way home. I start thinking about the boy and decide that no. I'm still way too heartbroken to even think about it and it just feels weird. I spent 8 years with one person, I still feel weird thinking about other guys, it's going to take time. So I'm really just bummed out now and Lucero might have coaxed a tear or two out. I'm home now. I call Fitz and Joe and we head up to Brazenhead. I need a pint and some friends. Mandy, Michael and Scott come up too. Fitz calls Brad to ask about getting her tattoo done while she's in town. He tells her that he and his girlfriend broke up. She starts smacking me. She's been on me for months about him. She swears we're meant to be. I've known him since I was 15. I've had a crush on him since about 30 seconds after we met. He's a great friend and an amazing guy. After she told me I couldn't stop smiling. Then I felt like the world's biggest bitch. My friend just got his heart broken (probably not, they dated for like 4 or 5 months tops) and I'm doing a happy dance. Fitz invited him out tonight, I hope he comes. I can not think of a better way to ring i n a new year than with hopeful new beginnings.

Be safe, have fun and cheers!

Gonna call everyone on their shit tonight

adrianaforreal — Mon, 24 Dec 2007 00:42:28 +0000

So I have this friend. He is actually an ex, but I was like 16 and it was for three weeks and he broke up with me because God told him too. True story. So technically he's an ex, but I just consider him a close friend. Well I did. He's being a complete tool as of late. We hung out the night before Thanksgiving until 6am. Then he texted me the other night about how much he misses hanging out with me. Now all of the sudden he is incommunicado. He has ignored a million calls, texts and even blew off plans we had made. So I sent him a text that said call me tonight or I'm deleting your number. I'm so done. I hate that hot and cold shit. I know part of the reason is he's terrified of me now that I'm single again...for the 8 years I was dating that idiot we were good friends because he knew it was safe. Ever since this summer when the douchebag broke my heart Chris has been so hot and cold with me. I don't play games boys. I say what I mean and I mean what I say. I am not looking for another boyfriend. I feel like I need that tattooed across my forehead. Seriously. No. Not now. My bitter, shriveled black heart is still in pieces...and in someone else's possession. I hate to admit that, but it's probably true. How you can love and hate someone so much at the same time I'll never know. Trust me, it's totally possible though. I have the simultaneous urge to punch him in the face and throw myself in his arms. I am terrified of running into him now that he's home on break.

Don't go to law school, it will turn you into a douchebag. Guaranteed.

My family is in town. I love my family. Usually because I am drunk when they are around. Ha. No really. It's all women except for my uncle so you can imagine. My mom and aunt are at each other, my grandmother is yelling at them, my cousin is yelling at my aunt and I am sitting there with a vodka and cranberry in my hand giggling at the total disfunctionality that is my family. My cousin Sarah and I took my mom, her mom and out grandmother to Sweeney Todd last night. Mom, Sasa and I all love Tim Burton...so we liked it. Grandmere and Di did not...so we had to hear all about it. Le sigh. This is probably why I don't like women, I'm related to too many of them. Hehe.

Anyway, hope everyone else is enjoying their family and having a wonderful holiday. I am thankful for all of my friends and family. So much love to all of them, and you.

Heeeeeeey

adrianaforreal — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 14:08:52 +0000

http://www.youtube.com/profile_videos?user=tigerlilyou&p=r

Welcome to my awesome videography skills. Oh yes.

I grew up in Michigan, snow doesn't really phase me. The fact that the state/city/counties refused to plow...that was new. People don't give a shit up there, everyone was out driving around (us included) like it wasn't a big deal. Living in Southern Ohio has spoiled me. If it even threatens to snow they're pretreating and salting the roads. It was eye opening. Anyway, the weekend was full of adventures. If you do take the time to watch the videos, and I recommend that you do, when you hear us reference the naked guy...this is why.

In the blizzard, as we were driving to breakfast, there was some guy walking down our street, in the snow, completely bare ass naked. No shoes, no clothes, no nothing. This was how our day started. Only in Michigan, folks. Only in the thumbcrack.

I'm back at work. Yay. I have to go shop for our adopt a family and then bowling at 3. No one called to tell me I could wear jeans. Assholes. Hope everyone is safe and warm!

I'm not an addict. Baby, that's a lie.

adrianaforreal — Sun, 16 Dec 2007 01:56:36 +0000

Tragus. Pierced. Fuck.

All I was going to do was drop off some homemade cupcakes for my beloved piercer and get my tygon switched out on my industrial. I end up with my trag, Alex got his daith and Katy got her other snakebite redone. We're fucking crazy.

I didn't handle this one well, James made me eat a cupcake. I got really light headed and pale. I think it may have something to do with the 1/5 of vodka and then some the three of us drank last night? Ugh. We had so much fun. We bought more vodka tonight. I sense more drunk dials coming. Be thankful if I don't have your number. We're all such assholes.

I am sitting at my stepmom's in Bay Shitty, Michigan. My hometown and Madonna's. Fact. It's really starting to snow. I am so going to get stuck here. We're waiting for the Hungry Howie's guy to get here. If you have never had Hungry Howie's pizza then I pity you. It is rivaled only by Giordano's in Chicago. But that doesn't even count because it's a totally different genre of pizza. Yeah I know that wasn't the right word, piss off.

It's really cold. I'ma go curl up on the couch with a blanket and maybe a seester?

Hold me close. I love you more than you know.

adrianaforreal — Fri, 14 Dec 2007 16:27:59 +0000

Today we are having festivus at work. Yes, Festivus. I made homemade mac & cheese. We'll see how it goes over. All I want is for it to be 1:30-2:00 so I can run home, throw shit in my car and head off to Detroit.

It's sister time.

I can't fucking believe my youngest sister is going to be 16 this weekend. Seriously. I feel old. Katy turning 20 was hard, but Lindy is perpetually 4 in my mind. Tonight Alex (Katy's "husband" haha) is going to be hanging out with us. This is amazing because he can be DD. After the week I"ve had I'm going to need a good stiff one. A drink would be nice too. SCANDALOUS! Just kidding. This is exactly what will happen:

I'll get there, we'll all be all hyped up and decide to do something crazy like make something and drink. We'll abandon our project halfway through for straight drinking, and since none of us ever sleep, pass out after 3 beers.

This is my life. Of course if we do succeed in inebriation, expect some ridiculous photographic evidence.

Saturday I will (fingers crossed) have James put a barbell in my industrial. Most likely he'll yell at me and switch the tygon out. As soon as he eats that buttercream frosting I'm pretty sure I'll have him doing whatever I want. No one can resist my cupcakes. Seriously, 2.5 sticks of butter, 3.5 cups of powdered sugar. It's like heaven. The way to a man's heart is through his tummy, no? A little cleavage never hurts.

OH! That's what I was supposed to write on Katy's wall...yes. Ok. It's time for Festivus and mac & cheese.

I miss my pink hair

adrianaforreal — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 21:21:45 +0000

That is all.

Now I'm saying goodbye. Darlin', don't cry.

adrianaforreal — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 03:18:45 +0000

I'm pouting. I will not be able to be polite to anyone probably until I get to Michigan on Friday. Provided the snow doesn't blow it for me. If it snows, I probably won't be nice to anyone again until after xmas. Why such a sourpuss? Well, I'm very sensitive about some things. One of those is my team losing the biggest fucking game of the year. If you're not from Cinci, you probably won't understand so feel free to abandon now.

UC (University of Cincinnati) and Xavier are two of the biggest rivals in college basketball. The schools are only 3.4 miles apart. In this city you either bleed red or blue. There are no fence sitters. I happen to have been raised on UC basketball. Bob Huggins is a god in this house. Nancy Zimpher is the fucking devil. Tonight was the 75th annual Crosstown Shootout. This is a sacred tradition in Casa de Adriana. As long as I can remember my daddy and I would go get Skyline (another Cinci tradition, you have not lived a full life until you've eaten Skyline chili. FUCK GOLD STAR) and scream at the tv together. Now, mostly there is cause for celebration. Clearly UC is the better team as they have won 47 of the 75 meetings. Tonight was not our night. I blame Mick Cronin. After Bob was ousted and Andy got screwed, the Zimpher bitch hired a former Pitino asst coach. Rick fucking Pitino. Look up douchebag and the definition reads "Louisville head coach Rick Pitino". I digress as usual.

The game was awful. Both teams played like shit and things got a little too out of hand so the refs started watching closer. This is one of those games where the refs will usually look the other way on things. Fucking Marvin Gentry caught Deonta Vaughn's knee to the face and it took them 10 minutes to get him off the court and to the hospital because they thought he had a neck injury. Then a X player went down. Both teams were out for blood. X got it. I turned it off and now I'm in full on pout mode.

Ever since Huggy Bear left UC hasn't been the same. Andy did a good job and Zimpher fucked him too. This is the 2nd year I haven't watched UC rabidly. I watched the shootout last year and that was bout it. I shouldn't have wasted my time this year. Cronin is running this program, the one Huggins busted ass to build, straight into the ground. I hope you're happy Nancy. I know I'm not. I don't want to be a fairweather fan, I grew up with these guys. I shed tears when Kenyon Martin broke his leg. I still miss Steve Logan. Armein Kirkland got a raw deal too. And seriously, how did Eric Hicks not get drafted into the NBA? The guy swatted balls like they were flys. He and Maxiell working together was like watching a very well choreographed dance. I'm sorry. I can't help it. I love these guys. I just can't stand to watch them lose.

God would never kill Johnny Cash

adrianaforreal — Tue, 11 Dec 2007 20:55:06 +0000

Ever since that fateful evening a few weeks ago I've been listening to a lot of Sage Francis. Well when I can tear myself away from Bear vs Shark for more than 5 minutes. Anyway, it got me thinking...always dangerous, and I can't believe I haven't added A Healthy Distrust to my list of must have albums. I am the pretentious asshole friend we all have that will buy you records you will never listen to because I truly believe you should own them. It's a top 5 thing. Seriously. Anyway. It's a little political, I'm not a preacher by any means. We are all entitled to our own opinions. I just know mine is right. I kid, I kid. I don't force my beliefs on anyone and I don't want anyone doing it to me. But here I go preaching about how I don't preach. Silly girl. Bottom line. If you don't own these albums, go buy them. Today. Right now. Well? Go!

Alkaline Trio - Goddamnit
Bad Religion - No Control
Brand New - Deja Entendu
The Clash - London Calling
Face to Face - Reactionary
Greg Graffin - Cold As The Clay
Jeff Buckley - Grace
Jenny Lewis & The Watson Twins - Rabbit Fur Coat
Jets To Brazil - Orange Rhyming Dictionary
Kings of Leon - Aha Shake Heartbreak
Lucero - ALL OF THEM
Mike Ness - Cheating at Solitare
Moneen - The Red Tree
The New Amsterdams - Killed or Cured
The Postal Service - Give Up
Sage Francis - A Healthy Distrust
Saves The Day - Can't Slow Down
Social Distortion - White Light White Heat White Trash
Tegan & Sara - The Con

This is not all encompassing my any means. These are just the albums I can listen to over and over again and never skip songs or get sick of them. Seriously, check. them. out.

In other exciting news, I got 2 new tattoos last night. I finally, FINALLY got my swallows done. I'm not some little hipster girl who thought they were cute. I had to make sure they were just right because it's my first (and probably only) memorial tattoo. I lost my dad's dad when I was pretty young and we were very close. He was in the Navy. We very suddenly lost my mom's dad two years ago, 3 weeks after we lost my mom's stepmom. Hard. He was in the Navy as well and raised all of us on the water. I grew up on lakes and boats. I love the water because of him. So it's my way of keeping them close. I may go back an add their initials later, but it doesn't matter. I know what it means. All of my tattoos are personal for some reason or another. It's my life story painted on my skin. Every time I come home with a new one my mother asks if I'm done. My answer...when I've said my piece, I'll stop. I've still got a lot to say.

They say that living is a lot like dying

adrianaforreal — Fri, 07 Dec 2007 14:49:23 +0000

Ahem, a rare rant.

Well, not rare, I rant a lot...but about this subject.

This trig thing gets really annoying sometimes. If you're going to request me as a friend, why not trig me first? Or if I take the time to make a comment on one of your pictures/songs/profile is it too much to ask that you reply? I'm not trying to be the girl with the most trigs...I'm beating my sister so that's all that matters. I do however like to leave little comments for people, usually regarding a nice piece of work they've had done or something. All I want back is a hi. I like to talk to people. That's all. I'm not here looking for anything except some common interests and friendly conversations. So...whatev.

In other exciting news...it's finally Friday! I had a dinner thing last night and we went to PF Changs and I had this AMAZING beer. It was a ginger beer. I need to see if I can buy this somewhere. Hope everyone had a great week, here's to the weekend.

The tickle...the taste of...

adrianaforreal — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 23:06:00 +0000

Why is it every time I heal up from my last tattoo or piercing I have to go out and get a new one? I have a sickness. My ribs took 3, long, painful hours to complete. A week later I was 100% healed. I heal fucking fast. All I could think about was when the next one was coming. A few weeks later I got behind my ear done. It's healed. I'm wanting a new one BAD. I think my right shoulder needs to be done before my swallows. I know what I want, I just don't know how to do it. This is going to require some time spent with my Bradley. I have known my artist since I was 15. That makes the relationship between artist and um, canvas? so much stronger. He knows what I want before I do. I love him. He and James (my amazing and sexy piercer) are the two most important men in my life. Without them I would not have made it through this summer. The day I got my ribs tattooed was the day my life changed forever.

Next weekend I'm going up to Michigan for little sister's 16th birthday. I'm going to make James cupcakes for his birthday and beg him to pierce my traig since my industrial and rook are pretty much healed. The other piercing he did for me...it's like I never took them out. What did I say? I heal like a motherfucker. With the exception of my last piercing(s) I never bleed either. A piercer's dream girl. hehe.

It's been such a weird week. I'm tired, I'm sick of people playing games...I think I might accept the offer to go stay with a friend this weekend just to have some peace and quiet. Then again, I might be guilty of playing games if I go. I don't like being a liar or a hypocrite. We'll see. I have to think about what I do these days. Well, not really, but I should start.

You can't hold on to the thrill
So I hope you find your will to follow through
(What we invented, I am now ending)

Giving Back

adrianaforreal — Wed, 05 Dec 2007 03:31:33 +0000

I spent all day today working at Hometown Day. EXHAUSTING. Ok, let me back up a little bit.

I work for Luxottica Retail. We own LensCrafters, Sunglass Hut, Pearle Vision, Sears Optical, Target Optical, KMart Optical and BJ's Optical. We sell glasses. Duh. I work for Sunglass Hut. Anyway, Luxottica operates a charity called Gift of Sight. Learn about it here. What GOS does is help the world see. We do this through a combination of what we call missions. International and Domestic. Today was day 2 of "Hometown Week". In October the 1500 or so folks I work with hit up all the local public school in Cinci and Northern Kentucky and do vision screenings. In December all of the kids that failed their screenings come to the "clinic" and get an eye exam and pick out a pair of glasses which will be delivered to them in the next few weeks.

This was my first time being involved in the clinic. It was so tiring! These kids run you ragged, man. I was in charge of running them up and down 3 flights of stairs. I got my workout today, I don't feel guilty for not lifting. Some of the kids were sweet, some were nasty. One sasses me and one was named Dance Pistol. Or Pistol Dance. I never figured it out, but it made my day.

I also found out this morning that I got picked to go on an international mission. I am going to Mexico in October 2008 on a mission. I can't even begin to explain what this means to me. I believe 100% in doing. I volunteer a lot of my time to GOS between the school screenings and recycling. Recycling is where we collect used glasses and send them to the international missions. I think that being a part of something like this really attests to your character. Imagine putting a pair of glasses on a child and seeing the look on their face when they can see the world clearly for the first time. It floors me. The people are so appreciative and grateful. The kids today were not, but that's America. They aren't used to having nothing. I am looking forward to this. I think it will be a humbling and life changing experience. Only 11 months to go. Oh and by the way, Katy...I'm going to miss your 21st. I'm so sorry! I love you!