Baby Trash

...came within inches of dying two nights ago.  So many times I've said, "I'm gonna kill that kid!" and then he calls me to tell me he was in a car accident, my heart drops into my gut and my palms start to sweat even though he's assuring me he is okay. 
He was riding in a mini-van with his girlfriend and her best friend (the driver), they were on their way to dinner and weren't quite sure where they were supposed to turn off of the 55-mph highway they were on.  The driver saw the left turn at the last moment, and attempted a left turn from the right lane in front of a gasoline tanker truck traveling beside them.  The driver of the tanker laid the truck down and rolled it into a ditch, he is in critical condition, but it looks like he will survive.  The driver of the van has a severe laceration on her head and a concussion, they feared her neck might be broken, but she was lucky.  My sons girlfriend has a mild concussion from hitting her head on the window and my son is a bit sore from the seatbelt saving his life.
I've talked to him over and over about his seat belt, I thank the Gods that he has listened to that one thing I've said, because he doesn't listen to much else.
He's promised me a dozen times that he is okay, but I won't be satisfied until he gets home and I can give him the once over myself.
I had to stop to recall; did I tell him I loved him before he got on the plane to fly to his girlfriends home?  I tell him every time he gets into somebody else's car, when I drop him off at a friends, when he goes to work, leaves for class, but sometimes I can't remember if I said it or not.
Is he the bane of my existence?  Sometimes.  Is he one of only two reasons I've lived this long?  Yes.  Will he be the death of me?  I hope not.  Will I still say "I'm gonna kill that kid"?  Probably, because even though I know after 43 years that nothing is forever and bad things happen to good people, he still believes that he is indestructible. 
I'll tell him when he gets home that he scared the living shit out of me and I would have died if anything had happened to him, then the next day we will be yelling at each other again and all will be right in my home again.
Indestrucible in his eyes.  Adult in his eyes.  Smarter, faster, stronger in his eyes.
Child in my eyes, yesterday, today and forever.