crypticangel: Blog

Haven't been on....

crypticangel — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 15:44:05 +0000

So I haven't been on here in forever. We have been having major computer problems. Still am actually. We had a stupid virus( and yes i had virus protection). We had to wipe everything out. Yet we are still having problems. Talking with Dell makes me want to pull my freaking hair out. Most likely they are going to have to change out the mother board, but they make you go through hell first before they say they should fix it.

Anyway on the happier side, i am a little over 11 weeks now. We went for our first ultrasound and we able to hear the heartbeat and see the heart moving as well. They had thought I was about 13weeks but they changed it. My due date went from March 19th to the 28th. We get to go back for another ultrasound on the 23rd since it was too early. Other than that not much is going on. I probably wont be on for a while again till the damn computer thing gets worked out.

FINALLY!!!!

crypticangel — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 14:17:32 +0000

So I have good news! I am finally pregnant, after 10 months of trying! It's still very early , I am about 7 weeks. My due date is March 19! We are very very happy!

Misconception

crypticangel — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 14:55:43 +0000

Misconception

Misconception of who I am

Deceit surrounding my disgrace

Shadows of what things used to be

Mistaken

Change only bringing torment

Frozen in mortality

Framed in madness

Mysticism

Worship obsolete

Prolonging fate

Fatality an illusion

Amusement

Generating indecision

Smoldering incision

A fantastic tragedy

Dissatisfaction

I have found salvation

Salvation in the least expected of places

Fate breathing down my neck

Suffocation, Intoxication

Salvation

©J.Bendiksen

Never Enough

crypticangel — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 14:48:22 +0000

Never Enough- Five Finger Death Punch

I'm so fed up with everyone around me
Noone seems to care
I'm just so far gone and nothings gonna change
I'll never be the same

It's always do this do that
Everything they want to
I don't wanna live that way (No)
Every chance they get they're always
Pushing me away

It's never enough, no it's never enough
No matter what I say
It's never enough, no it's never enough
I'll never be what you want me to be

It's all so messed up and noone ever listens
Everyone's deranged
I'm just so fucked up and i'm never gonna change
I lay it all to waste

They're always say this say that
Nothing that you want to
I don't wanna live that way (No)
Every chance they get they're always
Shoving me aside

It's never enough, no it's never enough
No matter what I say
It's never enough, no it's never enough
I'll never be what you want me to be
I'm done!

In the end we're all just chaulk lines on the concrete
Drawn only to be washed away
For the time that I've been given
I am what I am

I'd rather hate you for everything you are
Than ever love you for something you are not
I'd rather you hate me for everything I am
Than have you love me for something that I can't

It's never enough, it's never enough
No matter what I say
It's never enough, no it's never enough
No matter who I try to be
It's never enough, no it's never enough
No matter how I try to change
It's never enough, never never enough
I'll never be what you want me to be

A Touch of Blessing

crypticangel — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 15:01:27 +0000

Party Recap

crypticangel — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 15:30:29 +0000

So the party on saturday went very well. We had lots of fun. My camera didn't last very long so I wasn't able to get the pictures that I wanted. I did uses a friends camera and hopefully a few good shots came out on that one. I got an awesome new firepit from Dan and Sherry, I would say that's my top gift! Our old one was really messed up. I got a necklace from my neice Ariel. Flowers from the husband and a couple of computer games. A bunch of scratch tickets, only won a few dollars but oh well I had fun scracthing them. My mom got me a cool braclet. I think thats it on the gift end of it. The only bad thing was it rained on and off but later afternoon we were able to go outside. I did fall once and did quite the number on my leg but what kind of party would it be if I wasn't clutsy lol. Well I think thats it for the most part. I think everyone had a good time. It was a great one!

b-day

crypticangel — Fri, 30 May 2008 14:57:02 +0000

    So today is my 28th birthday. Another year older, and time to reflect. I am not exactly in the place that I thought i would be at 28. I thought I would have had at least one child by now, still I am not that discouraged. I still have time and am trying hard. I am at a point in my life where I am ready for change.
    Yes I am ready for a positive change in my life. Unfortunately that might mean a change of friends. Some of my friends are going what I call backwards in life, and I am moving forward. It hurts but sometimes you just have to stay away from the negative energy people bring. I have to do what is best for me.
    Anyway moving on, my husband is throwing me a big b-day bash tomorrow it should be fun. The only disappointing thing is that it is supposed to rain and we are planning on cooking on the grill. I guess we will make good use of a few umbrellas. I haven't posted any new pictures in quite some time so I will make sure to break out the camera tomorrow. I will get to see a friend from high school though and I am very excited about that, I am hoping we can become great friends again. It's been 10 years. We did get together a few months ago and it was lots of fun.
    So far my mom came over this morning and brought me a really cool bracelet and a homemade chocolate brownie cake. I can't wait to try it. My work also got me a cake and a card on Wednesday the last day I worked before my birthday, which was very nice of them. I think after Saturday I just might end up turning into a cake, lol. Well I think thats all for now.

It's been about a month....

crypticangel — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 13:54:38 +0000

    It's been about a month since I have been around the trig world. Things have just been very hectic, our remodeling is almost over! It has been a very long 2 months , even though we technically started almost a year ago. I will be posting some pic's soon of the new kitchen. Other than constant work around the house not much has been going on.
    We are still trying to conceive its been about 7 months now. I have an appointment in June with the doctor. What else, well I am happy to have some nice weather finally. Everything is just so much better when it is warm and sunny outside.
    Work has been slowing down. We keep going through a few months of slow time on and off. Its good for the little babies it means there aren't as many sick ones being born, and we are healing them faster so they don't stay as long. It just isn't good for me since they have started canceling us. I work three 12 hour shifts, so when they cancel you for a day it hurts a bit. Oh well at least I still have a job for now anyway , which is a definite positive.
    Well I guess thats all for now. Hope everyone is doing well.

Evergrey

crypticangel — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 15:47:57 +0000

Evergrey is finally on Trig!!! I am so excited! They are such a great band and are coming out with a new album shortly. If you haven't checked them out its worth the time !

Blog for February 26, 2008

crypticangel — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 16:38:01 +0000

    So yes its been a while since I have written. So an update on whats been going on, well the weather is still crappy. We got another big storm a few days ago. I will be so happy when spring gets here. I have had it with the gloom of winter.   We are still trying to get pregnant. I am trying not to get frustrated, good things come to those who wait right? We have also been spending a lot of time working on our kitchen. Its coming along, we ordered the cabinets. I can't wait to have a normal floor again, its been too damn long.
    Work has been very slow. Slow for months. Its not a good thing, people have been getting canceled etc. We are not allowed to work any over time either which really bites. In a way its good that we are slow because that means there are less premature and really sick babies. It just sucks for all of us. Especially when they float us to other floors in the hospital and that just makes for an awful 12 hours. Hopefully soon things will pick up.
    I have had a bit of writers block as far as poetry goes. I am hoping it will pass, so i can post some new stuff. Haven't really had any new pictures to post either. When the kitchen is done I will have to post those, especially for those of you who saw the destruction pictures. All in all things are going well i suppose. That's all for now.

The Dan Dance (my wacko friend)

crypticangel — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 16:43:12 +0000

The Count Censored

crypticangel — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 14:38:58 +0000

Blog for February 7, 2008

crypticangel — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 14:18:44 +0000

So it's been a little while since I have written. The party for my husband Josh was a huge success, everyone showed up and they all had a great time. I posted a few pictures from the party. Our friends mom made a great guitar cake for Josh that was a big hit! Well that's all for now, not much to say today.

Blog for January 30, 2008

crypticangel — Wed, 30 Jan 2008 15:35:24 +0000

Mind, body and soul

Turned to stone

Numb …

You will hurt me no longer

Betrayed for the final time

Pushed out forever

Encased by a wall of stone

Protection from the pain you cause

You will hurt me no longer

Betrayed for the final time

I move forward

There is no forgiveness left

Not for you

Not this time

No Control

crypticangel — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 15:11:38 +0000

No Control

Tears flow nonstop

Unhappiness takes over

Dying for release

Sorrow swells inside

No control

Overwhelmed by emotions

Breaking inside

Falling apart

Coldness spreads

No control

Encompassed by shadows

Adrift in gloom

Searching for redemption

Destroyed by damnation

No control

Blog for January 11, 2008

crypticangel — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 16:33:31 +0000

So its January and its been about four months of trying to get pregnant with no luck so far . I am trying to stay positive but its hard. Hopefully it will all work out. Other than that I am glad the holidays are over with. I am sick of snow, it was finally all melting and here we are going to get more of course. Oh well , I really do want to move out of this place some day . Its a rainy day out, and I do believe it has an effect on my mood. Well that 's all for now.

Venture Into My World

crypticangel — Fri, 28 Dec 2007 14:37:15 +0000

Venture Into My World

I thought I knew you

I guess I was wrong

Just like the rest stand and watch me fall

Understanding is a difficult thing

No one really understands my mind

Or the way I think, the way I dress

I’ll have everyone take a guess

It will never rest

“do unto others as they have done to you”

Shake the thoughts from your head

Listen to what I have to say

It could take all day

Venture into my world of darkness

There is plenty of room

In my gloom everyone is explored and no one is ignored

Blind

crypticangel — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 15:59:08 +0000

Blind

Uncomfortable silence

Not who I thought you were

Deceived

Stuck in the past

Reclaim

Nothing is what it used to be

Delusion

Time to give in

I can trust no longer

I can give no longer

Pain tears me

Torn in two

Distortion of reality

Happiness ancient history

Blindness

You will never see

Never see….

What I want you to be

Drifting in Passion

crypticangel — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 16:01:33 +0000

Drifting in Passion

Inspiration starts to fade as the wine takes hold