Blog post 'Blog for March 7, 2008'
Blog for March 7, 2008
- Published: 271 days ago
- Comments: 0
- Reads: 57
March 7, 2008
Time: 10:42 PM
Drinking: water
eating: chocolate cake
watching: Bullet for My Valentine: Live at Brixton (which includes Matt Tuck being awesome)
listening: Bullet for My Valentine, Kill Hannah, Kings of Leon, Avenged Sevenfold, New York Dolls, My Chemical Romance
reading: As I Law Dying by William Faulkner and Heroin Diaries by Nikki Sixx
Alrighty, I know I haven't written in a while but it's been CRAZY!!!!! Okay, so, I got into Seton Hall University with a $70,000 academic scholarship and I got my license to drive. Haha.
Oh, I can't play soccer anymore. My bones won't handle it and my doctor wants me to quit.
"Tonianne, it's not worth it anymore. I don't care who's offering you money or what team is counting on you, you have to quit."
So, with my head down and my shoulders slumped, I walked out of my orthopedist's office, got to my car, and cried. I just cried for twenty minutes with the car on listening to Bullet for My Valentine. So yeah, my soccer career is officially over. My hat's off to the sport and I take my leave to let better people play.
I can remember games in the rain, the smell of the grass, the sight of the sun as it washed over the field, coloring it gold and orange. I remember the darkened silhouettes of the players as they ran around the field, chasing after the ball while the sunk slowly sank into the horizon. I remember cheers and pats on the back, smiles and war paint on the cheeks, cool as it went on and sticky as it flowed off. I remember feeling my heart pound within my chest and the feeling of the first save of the game, twisting the ball in my gloved palms to make sure it was there and then hugging it to my chest as if it was my life line (it was my life line). I remember the bud rides home, with the iPod on and the cool feel of the night settling into my bones. I remember hard practices, tearing at the grass and dirt, trying to find some traction as I raced across the field. Most of all, I remember standing there, in the middle of the field, watching every one leave and being the last one left. I remember spinning and then dropping to the earth, watching the sky and breathing in the night air. Yes, I remember it all.
I also remember that doctor's fatal words and I remember the pain that cut through my like a knife. I remember going to my mother, begging her not to let them take me off the field, to take my season away only to hear that she agreed.
"It's just a game, sweetheart, you'll forget it soon. Time to move on. Time to move on."
But it's not just a game. It's in my blood, in my soul. I feel the vibrations of the ball under my skin, calling me back, but I can't go. I won't last they say. I won't last.
It reminds me of the words of Matt Tuck, the lead singer of Bullet of My Valentine. He said he didn't appreciate life until Bullet and that, when he almost lost it because of his throat problems, he didn't know if he could go on. Music was his life. Soccer was my life. I loved it. I lived for it. I breathed it. And now I can never play again and I appreciate it more and more. Never will I feel that ball stop in my hands. I will never hear the sounds of people cheering me on. I will never sing songs with my team mates again on a bus. It's all over and I feel like I can't move on.
But I have to. I have to be strong. It's just hard, you know, being told that something you lived and breathed since you were a little kid is now something in the past for you, something that you will only have memories of. I don't think I'll be able to watch another soccer game again, at least not for a while. Forget about coaching. It's not happening. I can't bear to watch it all.
Well, on another note, I have become OBSESSED with Bullet for My Valentine. They're insane. Good old metal coming back again. Go buy their new album, SCREAM AIM FIRE. It's one of the sickest albums you will hear all year. It makes melodies and groove oriented guitar rhythms and mixes it up with heavy metal, creating a cacophony of sounds that assaults you ears, but in a good way. Matt Tuck's lyrics and vocals as well as guitar licks will leave your head spinning and your heart wanting for more while Padge's solos make you wonder why the hell these guys aren't worshipped as the rock gods they are. Jay's bass lines even things out, keeping the listener grounded while Moose's drums make you want to jump, scream and slam dance all night long. All in all, if you want some good, heart pumping music that makes you love life and bleed adrenaline, then listen to Bullet For My Valentine.
Key songs: all of them really, but check out--> Hand of Blood , Curses, No Control (all off their Hand of Blood EP); All these Things I Hate (Revolve Around ME), Tears Don't Fall, Her Voice Resides, Intro, Ten YEars Today, My Fist Your Mouth Her Scars, Hit the Floor (all off the debut album The Poison); Scream Aim Fire, Waking the DEmon, Hearts Burst INto Fire, Forever and Always, AShes of the Innocent, Take it Out on Me , Deliver Us From Evil(all of their album Scream Aim Fire).
Okay, next order of business, My Chemical Romance promised America a small club tour. Well, that was true for ever fucking stop except NY!!!!!!!!!!! No, they couldn't play the Avalon or something. They had to play Madison Square fucking Garden. Jesus, Gerard, kill me why don't you? I can't afford those tickets, especially since I just paid for Taste of Chaos tickets to see Bullet for My Valentine and Avenged Sevenfold!!! You're killing me here!!!! Must find way to see My Chemical Romance!!!! HELP!!!
Alright, let's see, what else? Oh, go read Nikki Sixx's book Heroin Diaries. It's a must read for any music fan or just fan of life in general. Anyone who is thinking about taking drugs must read this book. It's eye opening and shows just how dirty being a junkie can be. It's a portrait of human frailty that, to me, was life changing. I wish everyone could read this book. It's profane, for it's his actual journal entries from when he was a heroin addict, but the profanity is what makes it real. It's uncensored and raw and beautifully tragic. Go read it and buy the soundtrack that goes with it for the music is perfect.
Finally, guess what today was? Well, if you look at my age on this trig thing then you will notice that it has changed from 17 year old female to 18 year old female so, yes, today was my 18th birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Tomorrow's the party, though, so there should be more to write about. But, I did go out with my mom, met my grandmother up in Sugar Loaf New York which is this insanely cool artisan town upstate, and we shopped around. I got a new fairy, some new earrings of crescent moons, and I got my prom dress. Haha, it's awesome. It was the first one I tried on. We just went into this eclectic shop as a lark and found this amazing white, swinger inspired dress. It's beautiful. My grandma says I look like a fairy in it. I loved it immediately. It has all this intricate bead work on the elongated boddess and the skirt is just insane. It comes about mid-shin and reminds me of the 1920s, so My Chemical Romance Great Gatsby-ish. Haha.
Anyway, must go. I have to get up early tomorrow to clean my house for the party. Love you all!!!
Toni
PS>>>>>>>>> the following lyric is my life
"hold me
show me
bring me to my knees
as the fire burns
and the tables turn
we never rest in peace"- Bullet for My Valentine, Ashes of the Innocent
Time: 10:42 PM
Drinking: water
eating: chocolate cake
watching: Bullet for My Valentine: Live at Brixton (which includes Matt Tuck being awesome)
listening: Bullet for My Valentine, Kill Hannah, Kings of Leon, Avenged Sevenfold, New York Dolls, My Chemical Romance
reading: As I Law Dying by William Faulkner and Heroin Diaries by Nikki Sixx
Alrighty, I know I haven't written in a while but it's been CRAZY!!!!! Okay, so, I got into Seton Hall University with a $70,000 academic scholarship and I got my license to drive. Haha.
Oh, I can't play soccer anymore. My bones won't handle it and my doctor wants me to quit.
"Tonianne, it's not worth it anymore. I don't care who's offering you money or what team is counting on you, you have to quit."
So, with my head down and my shoulders slumped, I walked out of my orthopedist's office, got to my car, and cried. I just cried for twenty minutes with the car on listening to Bullet for My Valentine. So yeah, my soccer career is officially over. My hat's off to the sport and I take my leave to let better people play.
I can remember games in the rain, the smell of the grass, the sight of the sun as it washed over the field, coloring it gold and orange. I remember the darkened silhouettes of the players as they ran around the field, chasing after the ball while the sunk slowly sank into the horizon. I remember cheers and pats on the back, smiles and war paint on the cheeks, cool as it went on and sticky as it flowed off. I remember feeling my heart pound within my chest and the feeling of the first save of the game, twisting the ball in my gloved palms to make sure it was there and then hugging it to my chest as if it was my life line (it was my life line). I remember the bud rides home, with the iPod on and the cool feel of the night settling into my bones. I remember hard practices, tearing at the grass and dirt, trying to find some traction as I raced across the field. Most of all, I remember standing there, in the middle of the field, watching every one leave and being the last one left. I remember spinning and then dropping to the earth, watching the sky and breathing in the night air. Yes, I remember it all.
I also remember that doctor's fatal words and I remember the pain that cut through my like a knife. I remember going to my mother, begging her not to let them take me off the field, to take my season away only to hear that she agreed.
"It's just a game, sweetheart, you'll forget it soon. Time to move on. Time to move on."
But it's not just a game. It's in my blood, in my soul. I feel the vibrations of the ball under my skin, calling me back, but I can't go. I won't last they say. I won't last.
It reminds me of the words of Matt Tuck, the lead singer of Bullet of My Valentine. He said he didn't appreciate life until Bullet and that, when he almost lost it because of his throat problems, he didn't know if he could go on. Music was his life. Soccer was my life. I loved it. I lived for it. I breathed it. And now I can never play again and I appreciate it more and more. Never will I feel that ball stop in my hands. I will never hear the sounds of people cheering me on. I will never sing songs with my team mates again on a bus. It's all over and I feel like I can't move on.
But I have to. I have to be strong. It's just hard, you know, being told that something you lived and breathed since you were a little kid is now something in the past for you, something that you will only have memories of. I don't think I'll be able to watch another soccer game again, at least not for a while. Forget about coaching. It's not happening. I can't bear to watch it all.
Well, on another note, I have become OBSESSED with Bullet for My Valentine. They're insane. Good old metal coming back again. Go buy their new album, SCREAM AIM FIRE. It's one of the sickest albums you will hear all year. It makes melodies and groove oriented guitar rhythms and mixes it up with heavy metal, creating a cacophony of sounds that assaults you ears, but in a good way. Matt Tuck's lyrics and vocals as well as guitar licks will leave your head spinning and your heart wanting for more while Padge's solos make you wonder why the hell these guys aren't worshipped as the rock gods they are. Jay's bass lines even things out, keeping the listener grounded while Moose's drums make you want to jump, scream and slam dance all night long. All in all, if you want some good, heart pumping music that makes you love life and bleed adrenaline, then listen to Bullet For My Valentine.
Key songs: all of them really, but check out--> Hand of Blood , Curses, No Control (all off their Hand of Blood EP); All these Things I Hate (Revolve Around ME), Tears Don't Fall, Her Voice Resides, Intro, Ten YEars Today, My Fist Your Mouth Her Scars, Hit the Floor (all off the debut album The Poison); Scream Aim Fire, Waking the DEmon, Hearts Burst INto Fire, Forever and Always, AShes of the Innocent, Take it Out on Me , Deliver Us From Evil(all of their album Scream Aim Fire).
Okay, next order of business, My Chemical Romance promised America a small club tour. Well, that was true for ever fucking stop except NY!!!!!!!!!!! No, they couldn't play the Avalon or something. They had to play Madison Square fucking Garden. Jesus, Gerard, kill me why don't you? I can't afford those tickets, especially since I just paid for Taste of Chaos tickets to see Bullet for My Valentine and Avenged Sevenfold!!! You're killing me here!!!! Must find way to see My Chemical Romance!!!! HELP!!!
Alright, let's see, what else? Oh, go read Nikki Sixx's book Heroin Diaries. It's a must read for any music fan or just fan of life in general. Anyone who is thinking about taking drugs must read this book. It's eye opening and shows just how dirty being a junkie can be. It's a portrait of human frailty that, to me, was life changing. I wish everyone could read this book. It's profane, for it's his actual journal entries from when he was a heroin addict, but the profanity is what makes it real. It's uncensored and raw and beautifully tragic. Go read it and buy the soundtrack that goes with it for the music is perfect.
Finally, guess what today was? Well, if you look at my age on this trig thing then you will notice that it has changed from 17 year old female to 18 year old female so, yes, today was my 18th birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Tomorrow's the party, though, so there should be more to write about. But, I did go out with my mom, met my grandmother up in Sugar Loaf New York which is this insanely cool artisan town upstate, and we shopped around. I got a new fairy, some new earrings of crescent moons, and I got my prom dress. Haha, it's awesome. It was the first one I tried on. We just went into this eclectic shop as a lark and found this amazing white, swinger inspired dress. It's beautiful. My grandma says I look like a fairy in it. I loved it immediately. It has all this intricate bead work on the elongated boddess and the skirt is just insane. It comes about mid-shin and reminds me of the 1920s, so My Chemical Romance Great Gatsby-ish. Haha.
Anyway, must go. I have to get up early tomorrow to clean my house for the party. Love you all!!!
Toni
PS>>>>>>>>> the following lyric is my life
"hold me
show me
bring me to my knees
as the fire burns
and the tables turn
we never rest in peace"- Bullet for My Valentine, Ashes of the Innocent
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