dogler

LOST CHAPTER..

Underneath The Under Ground

2007…

“Where to run where to hide, much too full to swallow my pride, but I’m still haunted by something inside as if another part of me has died. Paralyzed, I close my eyes. The pain inside surrounds me sometimes I feel like I’m all alone, out of control. Petrified, life fade away at the ends of my rope I’m waiting. My heart a void, my empty soul, until it filled I will never be whole.” (BIOHAZARD)

ME...

When I describe, I’m scribe with metaphor... What about me, nothing special about it...
I have nothing... to proud, to talk about... All this long, there’s was never ever about me.
I am intrinsictily no good, I Have a heart that made of wood. All this time wanna feel the proud over me. I’ve never serve my time correctly. Me... Never had any idea... Never knew what I was lookin for... Me... Loosing my way. Cant figure out. I’ve got no lullaby
What’s wrong with my head? I used to think I wish I was dead. I’ve lost now days uncounted. Never thought I’d be in the bloom.
Kinda hard enough to be my self. Me... Is a perfect Frankenstein, and dressed like a wedding cake.
I was all-aloner, alone inside my forest room, until the cloud came crushing, still do... My shadow side so amplified, keeps coming back dissatisfied. I’m motivated by the lack of doubt, concentrated but I’m not devout...
Me... Love the feeling when it falls apart... I’m slow to finish and hard to start... I’ll probably ends up at the start, I’ll be back in line with my broken heart, but always, I started out on the wrong foot...
I’m Jekyil, I am Hyde, lookin for place to hide. Up and down so insecure. Lucky me still got my breath. You know, I have always been down, I’m down with no doubt...
But again, I can’t seem to find my self. I’m stuck on this page.
I’m only sure that I’m not sure...

LOVE...

Hahaa..
That love things... that four letter word...
… Please… is it the real deal!? Umm... huh... think I have no love, how very empty is soul; it is a soul that feel no thrills, a soul that could easily kill. Umm... I got once, and it cost to feel the pain for the love I lost. Love that leave no trace. Although that love, once, make me feel so alive, and that’s kill me... without it, it seems so strange and yet somehow. Even I believe that, there’s so much more love, than the way we’re thinking of... Why she have to pick me and leave me, if she meant to be my lover...
For along time I was in love, not only in love I was obsessed, but it didn’t work out, I’m covered in shells..I’m so ashamed, I always was the one with all the love. She and she’s fuckin museum of lovers, the precious collection she’ve housed in she’s cover. She makes me think that she couldn’t love for another, she make me feel like I couldn’t love for another... I, I just wanna be wanted and adored... My attraction paralyzes me. Huh this awkward love... consuming me violently. Love, a dangerous territory... Another pain... I pick up the pieces, as the past quickly ceases. Its too late now, I don’t think it can fade, it’s too real now. Compulsing has stained me, I’m nervously cradling my young love, without know limits love… Enough….and in time this pain will end, and this really isn’t hope right now….
I just give in..

“I got dosed by you, closer then most to you, what am I supposed to do, take it away I never had it anyway, take it away and everything will be all right…. Show love with no remorse, climb on to your sea hors, this ride is right on course, this is the way I wanted to be with you, this is the way I know that it would be with you”(RED HOT CHILI PEPERS)

I hears everybody’s bulls, all listen to that, trying honest about my self. I’m just trippin and laughing at that crap. What I am what I am, it’s not a joke, its how I feel, story of my life, I just don’t give a fucking damn…..