xXxDrakExXx

my head is split like a...
well split like my head.
but split something thats split realy bad.
and its not like before where ive not known what i want.
right now i know EXACTLY what i want.
and that is as a whole.
i have analised exatly what i want.
every part of me.
and theese things dont exactly mesh.
and then theres the other issues.
take one example.
i know what i want
and i cant stop feeling what i SHOULD want.
its wierd how ones motives can change. 
and they can still have the same old motives in their heads
like me.
i know what i used to want. and that i dont still want it scares me a little.
its like ive finaly phased
i will be whatever it is that encorperates me most effectively
and at present it would seem that a friend.
not particularly a good one.
i lost that
prehaps through weakness
prehaps through something else.
but i dont want to rant about one thing.
i am confused. not in the way i was before
[frustrated and angry]
im confused like when a cartoon charecter gets smaked by a frying pan and floats out of their own body.
and is like woah wth happened
but a teacher said they could see me getting the scholarship i want
and if that happens.
then nothing will be confusing.
well not in this way.
it wil be hard to get money and all.
but ...
other things will be clear.
not every other thing.
but enough to matter
yours confusedly,
yet pensively
D.P.E
;]don't tell