fylgja

Last week I had some days off from the Internet. No emails, no surfing, no dropping by in my usual communities. Just real life non stop.
Now I find these things kind of hard to get back into.

It's so easy to build an electronic life.
Making friends, getting popular because of the things you say and do, being brilliant in things you would never do in the outside world.

Many of those contacts, statements and discussions doesn't mean a shit to after all. But there are some friends and sites that I will never leave.
Trig is one.

And I really hope these friends now who they are.
I really do what I can to tell them that they are special.

A while ago places like this were the only places where I could let myself totally free. But it isn't like that anymore.
I have to live, not fading away in front of a screen.

I have to run. Breathe the cold winter wind and explore everything in the world I can manage in my life time.
I have to rest on a horse back in a silent forest.
I have to write all those stories I say I'm meant to write.
I have to use my camera now when I finally have it.
I have to doodle with ink, leaving black dots on my hand for days.
I have to sing. Some day, somewhere. Every step is getting me closer to that moment, it's very obvious now. I feel both fear and joy thinking of it.

I have to talk and laugh with real people, being able to touch and see them.
I have to rest in that someone's arms.

But I also have to rest.
Sit back and think of what I'm doing. Showing the world that I exist and find new things to listen to and think about.
Doing it here makes it less lonely.