grandphoenix

*for greater comic value, read aloud using a west-california, surfer accent*

Ok so this one time... I was like... shaving... and I cut myself and I was like "ow" and I like... slapped a band-aid on it and it got better overnight and I was all like... chaaa... sick dude...

Ok so this one time... I was at work and this bitch comes up and she's all like... I WANNA CONE... and I'm like... what size? And the bitch goes... 'UHHH... I WANNA CONE..." and I'm like... thas great - what size? 'UHHH... CONE!' so I like... gave the bitch the biggest size and was like HA BITCH!! THAT'LL B $6.50 - NEXT TIME DONT FUCK WITH ME

Ok so this one time I was all like drinkin some drigg-drank and I was like... yo dude it's 4AM! So I went to bed and I like... dreamt about like... alligators and stuff but it wasnt an alligator it was an ALLY-GATOR!! AAAH!! And then Ally Brown came out and Ally's just a sexy bitch...
(and teh bL sez...) - "Dope..."

Ok so this one time I was at school and Kylie was sittin there and someone had apparently signed her boobs so I whipped out a sharpie mini, scooted up to her and was like... "cann'i sign?"

Ok so this one time Kylie smacked me in the face and I was like... chaa... Ow...

Ok so this one time, Bemis was all like - dude can I borrow $30 and I was like... idk... and then I gave him $30 and everyone was like NOOOO BEMIS IS MEYYJEURR GAYEE don't give him money and he like paid me back the money and I was like... score...

Ok so this one time I like.... went to see White Noise for the 4th time with Spencer and his girlfriend - Whore and Ally Brown at Mayfair Mall and like... Ally found $50 on the ground and I duped her into giving me the money and I took it and ran off and escaped the mall and Ally, Spencer and whore's mitts and then got home and did a little dance...

Ok so this one time, I like... was doing a little dance and I blacked out... and the cops had me cuffed in my own home and I was like - OFFICER NOO, YOU SEE... I HAVE ADD AND SOMETIMES IT CAUSES ME TO ACT CRAAAZZYYYY!!! And the cop was like... I too have ADD... and I was like... shattle rattle...

Ok so this one time I had like... $50 that I stole from Ally and I brought it to bL's house and like... rang the doorbell and his dad answered it high and I was like... *hand $50* can you give this to your son? and he was like... cuz he was high... and a complete random kid, out of nowhere came to his house and handed him $50...

Ok so this one time I like... teamed up with Carl to make like... bombs and ninja crap n shit and whatnot and we like... didn't do it good and we ended up just building a rapid-fire bottle rocket machinegun and a blast shield...

Ok so this one time bL came over and we just like... took the fireworks that shoot out fountains of sparks and pointed it at an ant hill and we like... discovered that... fuckin that shit makes lava... and so we spent the greater half of the day recreating mt. st. hellen with ant hills...

Ok so this one time my dad was like "yo, bitches, we are moving to Airy-Zowwwnaa... " and I'm like... krayp...

Ok so this one time, I like... stole a candy bar... and I like ate it and stuff - it was yummy

Ok so this one time like... I ate some icecream... and then I ate some more and then I ate some more... n stuff? And like... I got a really bad headache!! So I like... bashed my head into a freezer door and it made a sound like... *BUHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...*

Ok so this one time... I was like... playing with fireworks and I got a flashburn... ow... and so I was like... at the hospital until like... 4AM and the doctor was like... you sir, have a flashburn - that'll be $180 and I was like... how about a nice KERMIT THE FROG?

Ok so this one time Kylie was really horny... and I was like... sickkkk...

Ok so this one time Hayden like... ordered pizza and shit and I was like... -screw you guys, I'm goin home... and I came home and made a sandwich - it was yummy and shit and then I like... tanned n stuff...

Ok so this one time I like...fell down the stairs... with a pipe in my mouth... and it impaled the back of my throat so now I have a gnarly scar there but you can't see it unless you like... look into my mouth REALLY REALLY far back... and stuff...

Ok so this one time I like... went to the skatepark with my girlfriend n shit... and I like.. left my skateboard by my friends while I went into the woods with her cuz I thought some nasty nasty was gonna go down... but nothing happened, she like... invited friends and it ended up being pretty lame and like... my mom came and started screaming at me and then apparently a bunch of kids like... stripped my board and everybody took a piece and took it home and I was like... dag yo...

Ok so this one time I was like... WoW is gay... but then I was like... o sweet - free trial and then I tried it and I was like - aw, WoW is pretty sick... but then it was like - 'TRIAL EXPIRED" and I was like... WoW is gay...