One day in October of 2007 I went into a deep sleep and there you started my dream.

I met a man, a man I love.
He would make me smile when all I really wanted to do is cry.
He made me laugh when I wanted to yell.
He made me feel beatiful when I looked at my worst.
He took care of me when I couldn't take care of myself.
He shared his dreams, and there I was in them.
He shared himself, and he didn't even have to.
He told me I love you, and I told him I loved him back.
He was in love with me and I was in love with him.

Now I am awake.
I take two deep breaths, lift my head, glance over at my side, and...
And there you are.
I love you and you are my greatest dream.
My dream that God made come true.
Sweet amazing special Jacob,
Jacob, I love you.

All my love,
-babydoll-


what do you say to that? let me tell you. "will you marry me?"

You see, the reason why this matters, is because there is this girl.

This girl that I love more than I have ever loved any living thing.

A girl that would make me spit in gods eye, if that’s what was necessary. that i would walk through hell for, with a smile on my face, and a bandana to wipe away the sweat with.

A girl that all the grandiose statements in the world, couldn’t even come close too. because shes better than that.

I found this girl, and I wasn’t even looking, because she found me. She led me to her side, and she took my hand and she held it.

SHE held MY hand. Me, of all the guys in the world, she chose me. I don't know why, I don't care, i'm just going to go with it.

And when she squeezes my hand, I squeeze back, just as hard.

And when she blows me a kiss, I catch it, and send her one in return.

I love this girl, and she's hurting.

She's hurting because of something I said, and something I did,

Something that if I had control over, I would have made sure it never happened.

Because I love her.

And I try, I try so hard to show her how much she means to me, and I want to help her, and protect her, and just show how much I care.

But it seems, that distance is overcoming everything.

Because now, now a satellite lag is making her think that I don't want to talk to her, when there is absolutely nothing more in the world that I want to do.

Because I love her.

And I want her to know that.

But I think she's doubting herself right now, because of all the things people are saying around her, and some of the things I have been doing, the way I react to certain things. Its not helping her.

But i'm trying, I keep on trying, cause this girl, this girl is worth waiting for. This girl is the best thing that ever happened to me. She is something inexplicable. Something amazing. And I cant shake the feeling that i'm fucking this up.

But I don't want to give up. Because I made a promise to this girl. I put a ring on her finger, and after that I bought two more, matching ones. One for me and one for her.

Because I made a promise to her, the one girl I never even saw coming, and am so eternally grateful for, I promised her forever.

To have and to hold.

To love and protect.

Sickness and health.

Thick and thin.

I want this girl to be my wife, because I cant imagine life without her.

I cant imagine life without her.

And now, she's so far away, and I cant even hear her voice, cant tell her, whisper in her ear, let her know, just with the tone of my voice how much she means to me, that these words are coming out of my mouth: "I love you."

Because I do. I love this girl. And its more than just words to me, cause she took me over completely.

She's the one certain thing in my life.

She's the only one I really trust. The only girl I wouldn’t be afraid to tell anything to, because I know, at the end, she's still going to love me back.

I'm in pieces. The best part of me is on a boat, floating around Africa.

And I cant shake the feeling that i'm not doing my part, that I could be doing more.

I feel so helpless. Its like I've got my hands tied around my back and all she needs is a hug to make it all better. And I cant give it to her, no matter how hard I struggle.

Do you know the name of the girl who means so much to me?

Its Christina Calello.

I think you know her, although you might see her a little differently than I do. Because when I see her, all I see is the most amazing, gorgeous creature in the whole world.

I love her, and she's going to be my wife.

That’s why it matters.
because i love her. no matter what happens. i love her.