Blog post 'My Father............Who Art In Heaven [11.12.07]'
My Father............Who Art In Heaven [11.12.07]
- Published: 7 months ago
- Comments: 11
- Reads: 148
Have you ever stopped to realize that maybe you aren't invincible? That maybe bad things still happen to good people, regardless of any given situation? Well, as much as I hate to think of the events of that night, it changed me and my way of thinking. I used to believe as many others do, "it will never happen to me or my family". WRONG. Bad things happen to us all. To this day, I still can't seem to keep my father's death off my mind. It doesn't haunt me or torment me with depression, but I can't honestly go a day without thinking, "I wish dad was here to see this". It still feels as though he's here, watching over us, laughing, and waiting. I'd like to think he's waiting to see his family once more. In fact, I have all the faith in the world screaming at me, telling me he will.
After my father's death in '03, I felt like I had such a huge weight placed upon my shoulders. It felt like the weight of the world was mine to bear and I couldn't fail him. I stayed strong for my mother and sister. It was my job. I'm proud to say, I was good at it. But at that same time, I kept a lot of my own personal feelings inside about it all. I didn't want anyone to know the pain I was going through. A month after his death, I'd barely eaten, I ignored the outside world, and I proceeded to deal with it myself. It wasn't easy, but I did find help once my family realized just how much I was keeping it bottled up. To some, it may seem crazy, but it's my way of dealing with things of this nature. I'm no stranger to death. I've been around it quite a bit over the years. In fact, over the last 5 years alone, I've lost my father, his father (grandfather), and both of my grandparents on my mother's side (the latter, due to an accident that was caused by an ex-NFL football player who couldn't pay attention to the highway, the speed limit, or the fact that my grandparents had come to a full and complete STOP, while he continued to plow into them at roughly 65mph). He deserves whatever comes to him during his trial.
Am I angry at the fact that GOOD people have been taken from me? YES. I know we're all put here for a reason, but to me, it's hard to see just what reason that is when your father and grandparents (who were the nicest people you'd ever meet) are ripped away in a blinding second. It leaves you speechless and trying to figure out just what the reasons were. I hope they're in Heaven, smiling down on us. I guess it's just hard dealing with life when you're dealt so many curveballs like this. It's times like these that make me realize that life goes on, not matter what may come. We just have to stay strong and prepare ourselves for the inevitable. I say this a lot, but it couldn't be more true...........Life's too short. We should enjoy the times we have left with our loved ones and always hold those cherished memories dear to our hearts.
My father may not be here with us, but he's certainly not forgotten. Memories will last a lifetime, so I'll be fine knowing that is one thing that cannot be taken from me.
(I originally posted this on MySpace, but I wanted to add it here as well)
After my father's death in '03, I felt like I had such a huge weight placed upon my shoulders. It felt like the weight of the world was mine to bear and I couldn't fail him. I stayed strong for my mother and sister. It was my job. I'm proud to say, I was good at it. But at that same time, I kept a lot of my own personal feelings inside about it all. I didn't want anyone to know the pain I was going through. A month after his death, I'd barely eaten, I ignored the outside world, and I proceeded to deal with it myself. It wasn't easy, but I did find help once my family realized just how much I was keeping it bottled up. To some, it may seem crazy, but it's my way of dealing with things of this nature. I'm no stranger to death. I've been around it quite a bit over the years. In fact, over the last 5 years alone, I've lost my father, his father (grandfather), and both of my grandparents on my mother's side (the latter, due to an accident that was caused by an ex-NFL football player who couldn't pay attention to the highway, the speed limit, or the fact that my grandparents had come to a full and complete STOP, while he continued to plow into them at roughly 65mph). He deserves whatever comes to him during his trial.
Am I angry at the fact that GOOD people have been taken from me? YES. I know we're all put here for a reason, but to me, it's hard to see just what reason that is when your father and grandparents (who were the nicest people you'd ever meet) are ripped away in a blinding second. It leaves you speechless and trying to figure out just what the reasons were. I hope they're in Heaven, smiling down on us. I guess it's just hard dealing with life when you're dealt so many curveballs like this. It's times like these that make me realize that life goes on, not matter what may come. We just have to stay strong and prepare ourselves for the inevitable. I say this a lot, but it couldn't be more true...........Life's too short. We should enjoy the times we have left with our loved ones and always hold those cherished memories dear to our hearts.
My father may not be here with us, but he's certainly not forgotten. Memories will last a lifetime, so I'll be fine knowing that is one thing that cannot be taken from me.
(I originally posted this on MySpace, but I wanted to add it here as well)
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- Trigs
- 18
Comments
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you have no idea how much reading this has helped me I envy your ability to write something like this I could never have the guts to lay out my feelings like this I'm a huge bottler & I use humor & sarcasm as a defence mechanism & to blanket my pain which is not really good I guess but its my way
thanks for writing this I'm glad I read it
But like always a little to late, No chance to say good bye, No chance to tell her one last time how much her love had meant to me. She had a brain aneurysm. And once the cause of death was found I lost my trust in this government, in the medical field, in the whole system. See my mom had been to the Emergency room twice in the two weeks before she died. Both times with blinding head aches. But because the way our system is set up. If you don't have Insurance and your not bleeding they only have to treat you and send you on your way. They could have saved her life with one CT scan, one MRI would have shown the aneurysm. And my mom would be here with me now. So who should be held accountable? The doctor who diagnosed her with migraines? The hospitals policy makers? The government for it's completely twisted Medicare/Medicade policies? or Society for forgetting that life is about people, NOT about the almighty dollar. Either way I'm angry. But none of this will bring her back.
Anyways, nice to meet you. lol.
catch xo
catch xo
I can sympathize with you completely. I lost my dad when I was 14 back in 91- my mom & him had been separated for 4 years prior to his death,I had to do alot of growing up those 4 years & then more after his death. Before then I had lost my grandfather (his dad) in 87, & lost 2 aunts (his sisters) in the 80's as well so I'm no stranger to losing loved ones either. I can agree with Jez 100% on what she said about not being the person she is today had her father lived to see her grow up. Hardships only make you stronger in the end tho
It helps to talk about things, lets you know you're not alone & also it's a way of keeping them & their memories alive.
And jeers to the NFL guy that took your grandparents from you & your family, that's something that loser will have to live with for the rest of his life. It's irritating that people like that who have had everything given to them their entire lives can do something like that & simply because of who they are they usually end up getting away with it which sucks royally
But what´s even more unfair is when you put the worlds weight on your own shoulders almost giving your self the blame for what´s happend.
You know,to be able to take care of someone else you have to take care of you first,otherwise,you won´t have enough strengh to give.
It´s the hardest thing to do ever, when you see them suffer,I know.
Surrond you with people you love and let your self heal.Let it take time.But the worlds weight...It´s not for you bear.
Take care,young man and remember...There´s a huge difference between living and beeing alive.
/ Mobydick