My Father............Who Art In Heaven [11.12.07]

hxcpunk23 — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 07:59:06 +0000

Have you ever stopped to realize that maybe you aren't invincible? That maybe bad things still happen to good people, regardless of any given situation? Well, as much as I hate to think of the events of that night, it changed me and my way of thinking. I used to believe as many others do, "it will never happen to me or my family". WRONG. Bad things happen to us all. To this day, I still can't seem to keep my father's death off my mind. It doesn't haunt me or torment me with depression, but I can't honestly go a day without thinking, "I wish dad was here to see this". It still feels as though he's here, watching over us, laughing, and waiting. I'd like to think he's waiting to see his family once more. In fact, I have all the faith in the world screaming at me, telling me he will.

After my father's death in '03, I felt like I had such a huge weight placed upon my shoulders. It felt like the weight of the world was mine to bear and I couldn't fail him. I stayed strong for my mother and sister. It was my job. I'm proud to say, I was good at it. But at that same time, I kept a lot of my own personal feelings inside about it all. I didn't want anyone to know the pain I was going through. A month after his death, I'd barely eaten, I ignored the outside world, and I proceeded to deal with it myself. It wasn't easy, but I did find help once my family realized just how much I was keeping it bottled up. To some, it may seem crazy, but it's my way of dealing with things of this nature. I'm no stranger to death. I've been around it quite a bit over the years. In fact, over the last 5 years alone, I've lost my father, his father (grandfather), and both of my grandparents on my mother's side (the latter, due to an accident that was caused by an ex-NFL football player who couldn't pay attention to the highway, the speed limit, or the fact that my grandparents had come to a full and complete STOP, while he continued to plow into them at roughly 65mph). He deserves whatever comes to him during his trial.

Am I angry at the fact that GOOD people have been taken from me? YES. I know we're all put here for a reason, but to me, it's hard to see just what reason that is when your father and grandparents (who were the nicest people you'd ever meet) are ripped away in a blinding second. It leaves you speechless and trying to figure out just what the reasons were. I hope they're in Heaven, smiling down on us. I guess it's just hard dealing with life when you're dealt so many curveballs like this. It's times like these that make me realize that life goes on, not matter what may come. We just have to stay strong and prepare ourselves for the inevitable. I say this a lot, but it couldn't be more true...........Life's too short. We should enjoy the times we have left with our loved ones and always hold those cherished memories dear to our hearts.

My father may not be here with us, but he's certainly not forgotten. Memories will last a lifetime, so I'll be fine knowing that is one thing that cannot be taken from me.

(I originally posted this on MySpace, but I wanted to add it here as well)

Life.......and Credit Cards [11.12.07]

hxcpunk23 — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 07:52:06 +0000

You ever have one of those days when it seems as if the world is against you in every possible way? I live my life, 365-days a year just like that. You do what you can to strive to be the best, you bust your ass, you do everything asked of you.......but no matter how "on top of things" you seem to get, it all seems to crash and burn at the end of the day. You know those cute little things called CREDIT CARDS that your parents warned you about when you were younger? You didn't listen. You decided to collect the fuckers with a morbid Pokemon-like fascination, only to realize that money actually can buy you happiness........for the whopping month you own them. Then the fun starts. BILLS. If there was ever such a thing as "Hell on Earth", bills were it. They just keep coming. You decide you're smart enough to handle it all, so you use the cards to pay other bills, only to realize just how vicious the never-ending cycle truly is.

So you're in the hole. Fair enough, you know you've done this to yourself and you want to finally rectify the situation. Sound familiar? If not, consider yourself lucky. You know it's damn sad to know that you are intelligent enough to know that getting these cards was a BAD FUCKING IDEA.........but that tiny sliver of stupidity that lingers in us all seems to jump forward and scream "DUDE, IT'S MONEY". Now that you've fallen hook, line, and sinker, it doesn't occur just how bad a decision it was until it's too late. You see, instead of understanding that this newfound "money" was actually a credit loan, your idiot ass sees it at face value........free money on a hunk of plastic! Now if you're like me, you've now come out of your coma to find that life has set up shop and is now raping me to no end. I've since matured and while I'm still in the hole, it's only about a foot down. Not bad considering I now own a $10,000 HDTV that should have only cost $800 originally......and I was 6 feet under.

Life......it's one crazy fucking ride.

hxcpunk23: Blog

My Father............Who Art In Heaven [11.12.07]

Life.......and Credit Cards [11.12.07]