insanewoman

Okay so here's something about me:

I want more than anything else to have a boyfriend (I've never had a REAL boyfriend just internet relations) But it's something that I accept, I will  never find someone I like who likes me back. I dunno maybe I aim to far up the scale. I mean HELL I highly doubt someone like Stu (this scottish guy in a parallel acting class) would even look my way. I mean we DID do a 'mock class' together and I was happy that we WERENT put in a class together because I'd probably be hella shy. ANYWAY when we did this class together, we did a name game where we said our name, picked someone to toss the ball to and before we tossed the ball said some shakespear quote(not sure which one it was.) so the first kid who got it was this tall black dude, who then tossed it to Patrick Stewart. Now the whole time I was thinking " he wont notice me...blah blah blah. not gonna even notice me...blah blah blah." and then he looks straight at me, and tosses me the ball (with all the prelude shit) and I'm like *BLUSH* Now for me? Usually in name things like that I toss it  to the person across to me or someone I know and avoid the guy I like. So I'm like "shit!" but maybe it's not the same for him. I wasn 't sitting across from him either so it was either he TOTALLY picked me at random...or he likes me? fuck hahaha yeah right like someone as gorgeous a him would ever like ME.

So anyway. There is this kid in class, Toby GORGEOUS GORGEOUS guy. Moviestar material, definatly, a hunk and an AMAZING actor. He seriously could be the next Johnny Depp. ANYWAY. a day or two ago, he was really tired and he went to sleep on the couch (yes we have couches in our classrooms...shut up!) So at break time he got up for me so I could nap because I was tired. I rested my head on the pillow he had layed on....and my GOD **melts** it smelled so GOOD it smelled like MAN! I ended up literally clutching on to the pillow the rest of the day and smelling it constantly. Of course Jackie loved the way it smelled too, but she's so small she fits in his lap easily. Something I'd never be able to do.

I dont mind being my weight, it doesnt bother me...and it does at the same time. If I could find a hot thin guy who loved the way I look and how much I weigh, then It wouldn't bother me at all. But I sometimes feel so ugly. I'm a pretty girl and I know it, but...you know it kinda irks me to think that compared to Anna....I'm nothing. Toby, who has is a slight jackass, not as much as Juelz  (or however he spells it) but sometimes it shows through. He likes to kid around alot, and sometimes he makes me feel special and included with the other girls by mock hitting on me like he does with the rest. I think Juelz thinks I'm a lesbian or a guy. One day we were sitting in class and it was only me and the rest of the guys and Juelz goes "where are all the girls?" and I'm just like "oh...sure...thanks for including me in that group *sarcasm*" He said he thinks all the girls in our class are sexy, but I'm pretty sure he was talking about anna, michelle, rebecca and jackie. Maybe I should just give up **Sighs**

don't mind my angst right now. I'm PMSing and it's 2:02 AM