insanewoman

I had an emotional day. My mother is starting Chemotherapy and her cancer has just hit me really hard. I knew it a long time ago, but it didn't seem so real untill she told me she was starting chemotherapy.

I told a couple people in my class....then when everyone left I started crying. I wasn't sobbing, but lightly crying.

I miss my baby Bennitora and I miss my big Dante. I really wish my parents could just magically move out here. I know the tax prices are insane...I just miss my babies so much. I'm afraid, what if my mother dies...and then my dad can't handle two cats and a dog? Would he send Benni out to be with me? I don't want Benni here, I couldn't handle a pet. I'm just way too busy...maybe I'd have to move back there....god I don't want to bum around the rest of my life. Even if I was at new York...I still wouldn't have the time I needed to go see my babies. **sighs** I want my babies. I want to pet Benni and get headbumped, then his ass-breath when he's licking my face. And I want to cuddle with dante and play with him. Even crackers, I miss her too. I hope the lil ol' lady is doing well.

I have this innate fear that one of them will die and my parents won't tell me till I get home. It happened before. My cat bonkers died while I was away at boarding school and my mom didn't tell me till I was home for christmas break. It hit me really hard, not only because I loved this pet, but because they waited nearly two weeks to tell me, JUST when it was christmas break which was supposed to be a happy time.

I keep myself happy with trivial things

I'm fatter than I have ever been.

I'm not happy.