Leen★

So everythime I watch "what dreams may come" my soul aches, I cry through 90% of the movie, but I am overwehemled with such emotion for the beauty of the movie, that I am drained by the end. (watched it last night) But it's everthing I have ever thought and dreamt that a soulmate/twin flame should be. It gives a sense of hope in love, even though I know love can decay out , only to have ones' heart change into a void of emptyness and despair. I admire old couples that are pushing each other in their  wheel chairs+, I want that security of love and need for eachother. I just dont Ithink I can have that forever, my husband loves me unconditionally but the back of my mind is always thinking what if he leaves me too for someone better and I am just the fork in the road and stepping stone till he finds his true love. That is all I ever am... a gateway for everyone one else's happiness. And I was not born to be happy in love. It's another motif that comes in and out of my dreams. I am tried of the insecurity that I have. But when I watch "what dreams may come", "Eternal sunshine..." I get hope that I have that... but the cruel conscicous come to play and says not for you.  I have a twisted conscious... it's negative to the max. But I am still alive even after several attempts of fading out.... someone wants me to live and someone else wants me dead. A battle within myself. A battle that others have had before me... and many do now as well.  Thats not the only dent I get I have 4 different disc of Suicde Mixes as I call them. I am still trying to get them all on my ipod, but I cant find them all or they are beyond repair. The songs are sad, but can make you happy when your not. Have you ever had the worst day and that entire day is nothing but sad love songs on the radio or people are talking about sad things only, and its a dent in the soul that makes you want to jump off the building over the bidge, and seek no return.

I know I am not the only one since I have other walking and talk to me about it at moments I need that conversation from the stranger only to engrave thier words into my walls of my heart and hold them true, and help me to take another step. It's the ripple effect that we are part of....