paranoid

paranoid’s journey of learning music

Part 3

Step back in time…

What kept me from pursuing music?  Currently I can identify 5 factors:

1) Religion
2) Money
3) Shyness
4) Low self-esteem
5) Afraid of what others think

Religion:  Why the hell would that stop you?  Being in the ONLY “correct” religion and Armageddon is near didn’t help maters.  The pursuit of riches is wrong, idol worship is wrong (fans of you or being a fan of someone else), rock and roll does not promote a Christian life style, friends outside of the fold are bad associates, and getting a higher education is wrong because of the environment you are put in (I guess all college kids become atheistic fornicating drunkards).  Besides, beards, long hair, ear rings and tattoos are not what real Christians would do.  So why would I pursue music especially when the end is near?

My parents are not against music, they new I wanted to be in a band and perform.  That was the issue.  My friends within the congregation had no interest to play and I did not feel I could tell them what music I really liked (Iron Maiden, Ozzy, Dio, Motley Crue, AC/DC, etc.).  I suppose I was a short haired closet head banger.  The negative religious input and the other issues helped me easily justify not learning music.  I even declined to try playing in a band because of these issues.  I was asked at one time and I blew it!

Money:  Music is an expensive hobby.  Good quality gear and lessons, I could NOT afford.  I did grow up in a welfare family on a very limited income.  That is why I started working at 16.  Even with my own money I really didn’t pursue music because of the other issues.

Shyness, Low Self-Esteem and Being Afraid of what Others Think:  These all kind of tie in with each other.  These things really didn’t start affecting me till about 4th grade.  Each school year I would go deeper and deeper into a shell.  When I started working I started coming out of that shell, but not quite enough.

Step ahead about 20 some years…

Looking back I can see that the only thing I did right was get married.  Otherwise I fiddlefucked half my life away basically waiting for Armageddon………now I have less than half my life to do what I should have done 20 years ago!  Damn!

Religion is not much of an issue anymore, although, I still feel its choking grasp occasionally like I had a good brain washing.  Money, still an issue but not like it was.  Shyness, low self-esteem and being afraid of what others think:  these are issues that I am still working with.  But the older I get the less these affect me.

So what the hell does this have to do with music?  Those things directly stopped me from pursuing music and many other things I should have done.

What I am trying to show is:  as long as you are not hurting others, DON’T LET BULLSHIT STOP YOU!!!!!!! DON’T LET BULLSHIT STOP YOU!!!!!!! DON’T LET BULLSHIT STOP YOU!!!!!!! DON’T LET BULLSHIT STOP YOU!!!!!!!

I did and I have warned my kids and I am warning you too….

DON’T LET BULLSHIT STOP YOU!!!!!!!

More to come.