paranoid

For the last 22 plus years my job takes me to many homes a year.  For the last 10 years I estimate about 300 homes a year not counting the people I talk to each day on the floor and the phone.  I would venture a guess that about 95% to 98% of those people are really cool people.  A very SMALL, SMALL, SMALL fraction I see every year.

There have been about less than 10 times I have met someone or have been in the same room with them that were about to die.  The latest one for some reason really bothers me…

A retired fire fighter.

I and several others have talked to him several times in our store.  Finally he is at a point where I can schedule an appointment to come out.  I find out from a work mate that his wife is in a hospital bed in the living room dieing of cancer………

I go to their house on 1/24/2008.  She looks and sounds bad.  He introduces me to her and I say “Hi, how ya doing?”…………………………………………………..

I had a hard time getting both my feet out of my mouth………………………………….

It was hard to include her in our conversation.  I didn’t know if she could understand or even cared, but I tried.  When I left I told her that I was glad to meet her.  I sat in my truck for a couple of minutes…………….. He did ask me if I could get the manufacturer to put a RUSH on the custom product he was ordering (Turns out no guarantees, but they would try).

Well, today Tuesday, January 29, 2008 he came by and spoke with a work mate.  I was able to say hello even though I was with a customer.

She passed away on Sunday………………………………..at least she was at home with loved ones.

I was barely able to pat him on the back and say “I’m sorry” then finish with my customer.  I had to leave the room for a while.

I have NEVER been like that!!!!!  I really don’t know this guy, I am not part of the family, but…………………….

In the past the only time I have ever cried was when my grandmother died when I was in high school.  After I got married things kinda changed, after having kids things changed a little more.  But, until death touched me more personal, these things really did not bother me very much.  The last 4 years I have lost my only sibling, my brother and 4 in-laws.  One I stood by after she passed away in the local hospital and the other I stood by while the doctors pulled the plug and watched the body just slowly stop breathing and the heart monitor flat line……………………..After all that, death seems to bother me a lot more.