myrsky: Blog

....

myrsky — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 14:10:17 +0000

[With apologies to Carly Simon]

You're so self-centred, you probably think this blog is about you,
You're so self-centred, I'll bet you think this blog is about you,
Don't you, don't you?

That's all.

An update type thing....

myrsky — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 20:03:14 +0000

.....well, I'm being bad at communicating, so I'm going to blog what's going on to save myself having to talk to everyone individually....I'm crap, I know!

I'm still at my mother's, not where I want to be at all, but....I'm off to Helsinki in a couple of weeks to find a home and a job - and I am desperate on that front, getting info on work is like getting blood out of a stone, so, if you know anyone in Helsinki who can help me on the work front please let me know!

I'm hoping that I can at least find a home and be ready to move shortly after....I really need to live by my rules again! I also need to not be living with my mum....in the middle of fucking nowhere! It's been pretty for a while, but the fun wore off after a week!

I'm feeling OK, my health is actually doing OK - there was the C crap in the lump on my back, but they reckon they got it all, so hopefully it's not coming back this time.....But I'm getting larger cos I am stuck in the middle of nowhere with no means to exercise....I so miss being able to put on my running shoes and just getting out for half an hour - another reason I need to get the hell out of here!

Crazy plan is moving along, where are we? Part 4? Well, things should, hopefully, move forward in October.....so more news on that front in early 2009, hopefully....there is a lot of hope here - I need good thoughts and luck with this from now on, so if you have any to spare I'd be grateful.....even though I can't tell anyone what the Crazy plan is. Sorry....it's a good one, so spare me some good thoughts and good luck if you have any going.

Thanks - hopefully, in the not to distant future, I'll be posting photos of my new pad and confirming the wonders of work and crazy plans in blog form.

OK, I think that is basically one of the most jumbled, least thought out blog type events I have ever come out with....hope you enjoyed and can spare me a trig.....cos I can be honest.....I like me trigs....!!!

Enough with the jokes....

myrsky — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 09:21:44 +0000

How many drummer jokes can you think of?

Personally I can think of a list as long as my arm, and most of them are not exactly complimentary to drummers....

But maybe we should give our friends on the drums a break....I think it is obvious that the physical requirements for a drummer are pretty strenuous and both strength and stamina are required in bucketloads....

Now science says......

Trig...

myrsky — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 10:18:24 +0000

.....may not be perfect, but over the last few days I have been setting up profiles on other sites like bebo and mywaste...... By the gods they are shocking. As someone who deals with visual art, style is something that is important, and throwing a million and one things at a web page, half of which fuck up and look like shite is not a good thing....I'm trying to set things up to look clean and simple, eliminating the unnecessary nonsense and not making things look like the majority of the pages on these other sites....oh and using a mac is not a disadvantage on trig - I can use safari and opera and not have errors all over the place.

On a personal level I'll not be returning to anywhere but trig - I have had enough of the shittyness that is the over-commercialised nonsense of the other places....not that I begrudge helping out making pages for the cause I am making the pages for....I just think that, somewhere along the line, these other places lost their way.....please don't do that Trig!

There is nothing like ...

myrsky — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 12:26:46 +0000

...a little Olympic spirit, is there?

Je ne thinkez so pas...

...what a load of....

myrsky — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 19:44:00 +0000

...carp...

Lyrical indulgence...

myrsky — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 18:29:26 +0000

Please bear with me for a little lyrical indulgence:

Party over here fuck you over there,

Party over here fuck you over there,

It’s alright now cos’ we just don’t care,

Would you die for king and queen,

You got friends, you got family,

Do you belong to regime,

Or would you just go along with all that you believe,

All that you see,

Because I don’t need no proof of I.D.

To see that I’m you and know that you’re me,

It seems, It seems to be,

That we can’t remember how it was when we were family,

Friends and family.

Now it’s party over here fuck you over there,

Party over here fuck you over there,

It’s alright now cos’ we just don’t care,

Where were you on new years eve,

Out with friends, or sitting home infront,

To read a book or watch T.V.

It’s not a hard choice to make as worse things happen at sea,

All that you mean,

Because I don’t need no proof of I.D.

To see that I’m you and know that you’re me,

It seems, It seems to be,

That we can’t remember how it was when we were family,

Friends and family.

Now it’s party over here fuck you over there,

Party over here fuck you over there,

It’s alright now cos’ we just don’t care,

Would you die for king and queen?

When you’re part friend and you’re part family,

It seems to be,

That we can’t remember how it was when we were family,

Friends and family.

Now it’s party over here fuck you over there,

Party over here fuck you over there,

It’s alright now cos’ we just don’t care,

Now it’s party over here fuck you over there,

Party over here fuck you over there,

It’s alright now cos’ we just don’t care.

"Friends and Family" by Terrorvision

Now, why did I come up with this gem today?

Well, I have been thinking a lot about family recently. I have a very small family, and, there is no other way of putting this, other than bluntly - they have never been there for me when I need them. When Matt died - nothing. When I ended up in hospital - nothing, I even had to make my own way home after that little emergency surgery and a couple of weeks in ICU. Life always has it's ups and downs, and I have been led to believe that the people who should always be there for you no matter what, even when you might be in the wrong....are your family.

Which is crap in my case.

My friends are much more important than my family, and as most of them can tell you, I am crap at things like keeping in touch and that kind of thing a lot of the time, but it doesn't mean I don't care, and I figure most of them get that as they are the ones who are there (here) for me.

It isn't that I don't love my family, it is more that they haven't been in my life and I love them because they are family not for who they are as individuals....whereas my friends I love because of who they are.

OK: so where am I?

myrsky — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 19:35:22 +0000

Remembering that 2008's motto is to plan to not plan, cos plans always get fucked up anyway....I am here to report that things aren't exactly going as not planned.

I am stuck in the middle of fucking nowhere. I don't mind visiting my mother, but, as predicted, after 10 minutes I was walking on eggshells trying not to get into trouble, something which I can't not do, given my parents wanted a boy and ended up with a girl I was in the wrong from the go...but anyways....my mum has volunteered me for so many fun things that I have so much on that I am not exactly getting anywhere with doing what I want to do....I haven't even gotten my photo taken for things like my id and all.....because I need to be driven to the town where I can do that.....I can drive....but I am not insured on my mum's car and I don't have a car of my own (and seeing as I am leaving the country there is no point in getting one now)....

So where am I? I am in a strange headspace for sure, in the middle of Norfolk, getting taken on a trip to the place with the worst memories in the world for me - the place I was forced to go to school - which will take all of tomorrow....I'm spending way too much time figuring out what I need to do when I get to Finland (all the registration and places I need to go to get numbers and tax cards and stuff) and nowhere near enough time in Finland - I know I am going to need at least one, if not two trips over there before I can not come back, just because of sorting accommodation and all....but how to get to Finland? I miss London already - 10 min stroll to the tube or train and then off to Heathrow or Gatwick and out of the country I fly.....here I can't get to the fucking train station to get to anywhere!!! I've yet to find a taxi that accepts bookings by text/email, they all want you to phone so I am stuck a bit....

Not to mention that, coming up, we have a couple of family events - where everyone will look on me with pity because I am such a failure....I saw a field of sheep a few days ago, it was full of black sheep and there was one white sheep....I would love that to be my family, but no, I am the black sheep amongst the white....my perfect cousins (whom I love to bits) with their perfect lives....detached properties, more posh cars than perfect children, good jobs....why can't I be like them? Every look will be asking me that....and the answer.... Other than the fact that I don't want to be like them, what I want is simple (good man, little person, roof over head, warmth in the cold, food on table) not some life where everything has to be spot on perfect and you have to work such long hours to pay the huge mortgage and for all the cars, the answer is simple, I'm me. My life isn't perfect, and no, I'm not exactly where I want to be, but if I was I wouldn't have much to strive for, and life would be pretty boring - to wake up and feel that you have nothing left to achieve except the same old same old.

I'm not the kind of person who is made happy by what my family thinks should make me happy. I can sit in an office and make ££££ and I will be miserable....I know, I tried it. And I saved every £ when I did that I could so I could change my life and, in the words of the late, great Freddie "I want to break free". Now is that time, and the last thing I want is the pity of my family because I chose to do things differently. It is my strength. The fact I can stand up and do things my way - I'm also kinda proud of the fact that I don't measure my success by how many Mercs etc I have at home, but by what I can do for myself, for my friends and hopefully by what I will, by the time all is said and done, have contributed to society.

Anyways: I am hoping in the next couple of weeks to get over to Helsinki - figure out the accommodation and then get moving in the correct direction....hoping to find some kind of work, my Finnish is not good at all, but I need to work to afford to live whilst I do the language courses, and even if the job ain't that great, that is fine, it will help me learn the language too.....whilst everything else falls into place....including the crazy plan....part three was unpleasant, yet successful and now it is just a matter of waiting for part four....I've hoped to have a timescale....but legal things just take as long as they take really. ...

Oh and I'd like to apologise for the kitty porn. I can't help it. I miss my cats and it is the one upside of being at my mum's.....I get to see the cats and overdose on taking cute pictures of their little noses......

Redwings...

myrsky — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 07:26:35 +0000

(...I was going to entitle this blog "Donkey porn" but apparently that generates some bad mental imagery for some people....)

Got a chance to go to the Redwings Sanctuary for horses, donkeys, mules.....and other such animals that all look pretty much like horses of varying sizes to me.

I am very much not a horse person, I like an animal that can sit on my knee whilst I am watching the tv and not have it break my legs....but....I think it is sad that places such as Redwings have to exist. Human beings are fucking evil, not just to each other (check the news) but to animals too. Although Redwings do look after animals who are simply ill etc through no fault of any human, a lot of their animals have come from terrible, terrible man made situations....

Anyways, I got to see in the hospital wing, so couldn't exactly take pictures in there, but I did get a couple of snaps of a couple of donkeys in a field - who were more than happy to pose...now, when I take a picture of a cat I can call it "Kitty porn" and no-one complains, but as soon as I suggested calling pictuures of donkeys "donkey porn" I get shouted down! So the "donkey erotica" is in the "Flora and Fauna" album thingie in my gallery, "Kitty porn" has it's own album.

Please visit and trig if you see fit.

In the meantime, I'm off to the dentist....

EDIT: My dentist plays HIM and hums along whilst inspecting teeth. How cool! Even better - my teeth are in good nick! Well, at least some part of me isn't falling to pieces then.

Very general drivelllllll......

myrsky — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 19:22:26 +0000

Well....whilst trig was "away" I have taken a fair few photos. but....I am being dragged around and have no time to myself at the moment....the next chance I will have to spend any quality time at the computer to upload images off my cameras is likely to be Wednesday.

I have something tomorrow, I know not what (but feel it can not be worse than being forced to work the tombola stall at my mum's chuch's fete....) then on Monday I have to haul arse down to London for a quick trip to ensure that the crazy plan is all on track and that everything is fine in that regard. Not allowed to stay long in London, but I do hope I get to pop into some of the shops I know and love for a few essentials I need that I'd have to order online otherwise as I can't get them where I am right now.

Now I am off to slap aloe vera gel all over my face....today was a day that beat the factor 50 sunblock.....I hate sunburn....especially when I have tried to avoid it....

Sorta back....

myrsky — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 21:03:11 +0000

....I am sorta back online now - not fully, but enough that I can participate back here on trig - I have, of course, been spending some quality time with my cats - I have been looking at hands recently (from a photographic projecty viewpoint) and have extended that to paws....hard to get my cats to stay still to have their picture taken (they can smell a zoom lens from 50 metres!) but I have a few I am happy with.

Great to spend some time with them, I will miss them more keenly when I am in Finland - hopefully that will be around the end of August/start of September time.

I'll upload pictures tomorrow, as I am supposed to be asleep now - lights out is stupidly early at my mum's house and the door to my room doesn't close so it is hard to pretend I don't have the computer on given it's "glow"!

Looking forward to interacting again with the loverly people I know here....

OK, sooooo....

myrsky — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 21:16:50 +0000

...I have moved. Temporary stop right now - probably for a couple of months whilst I sort out places to be and things to do - no plans - plans are stupid....especially when you know they aren't going to work out as you'd like, so you just have to adapt and move forward....c'est la vie et al....

Anyhoos - I have the internet. Not going to be online like I used to be, but....I do have a nice little wireless set up going at my mum's house and so I can sneak the laptop into my room of an evening and have a little online fun - seeing as the only other fun that is going to happen in my room is playing with the cats or watching my lava lamp..... Yup, I need to move on soon!!!

I'll be around, but not as much as I'd like...comment, message - the works, it'll be slow, but I will get back to you!

Oh and my mum bought herself a mac book. I have to be honest I'm impressed. Although I did nearly give up when she asked what the mac equivalent of google was....and why all her favourites (that she had stored on internet explorer on her old PC) were not showing up when she logged into her email....

Moi Moi

myrsky — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 05:51:59 +0000

Yes....the time has come for me to surrender my internet connection and shut down the computer for the last time here in my London home.

For the first time in years I have nowhere to call home - after several years of holding rooms in various places I worked (as it was cheaper than hotels and I preferred it) on top of having my own home - I have nowhere to call home right now. I think that fact terrifies me as much as anything else. Hopefully I will be able to find something in Helsinki soon and then I can be set up, rocked up and ready to go......very soon.....very, very soon.

No idea when I am going to get online - I have sneakily packed my airport express and modem so hopefully I can set up on my mum's phone line asap - but I am not holding my breath - blue is so not my colour darling!

Crazy...plan part three...

myrsky — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 09:11:38 +0000

Today is the day I have to finish packing up my home - which I am leaving after 9 years - and manage to fit in Crazy plan part three - which, by all accounts, is going to be seriously unpleasant.

I can't say much more, but....I suspect that my last bit of internet usage that is unhindered by my mother is going to involve whimpering.

You have been warned.

EDIT: Whimper....

I've....

myrsky — Sun, 22 Jun 2008 07:45:34 +0000

......packed the cameras, the computer hard drive, and I have even dismantled the bed.

This is real and getting scary.

Very scary.

Very scary indeedie.

Summer Solstice...

myrsky — Sat, 21 Jun 2008 08:02:28 +0000

My plan was to be comfortably set up in Finland by today - but, as part of my new no plans planning strategy I'm trying not to let that bother me....

So, I was up super early to see the sunrise today - not as super early as I would have been if I'd been in Finland, mind - got rather soaked as the sunrise was blocked by rainclouds, but....it is the height of summer - enjoy everyone - you don't have to be celebrating for the reasons that pagans celebrate, but be safe, enjoy yourselves and celebrate life - peace, out.

Oh by the gods.....

myrsky — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 18:53:14 +0000

it is the voting time of year again....

Vote for HIM - or....or.....I'll get stroppy.....

CLICK HERE!

I'm bored....

myrsky — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 13:59:06 +0000

....is a phrase I HATE.

Seriously, most people who come out with "I'm bored...." need to learn to concentrate long enough to read a book....but....right now, I'm bored....this packing malarky is just taking too long - I passed my boredom threashold the day I started and I am now really struggling - I have one box left to fill, and about 10 boxes worth of stuff to concentrate into that one box.

Listening to loud music is helping somewhat - but I have to shred stuff and that means I can't hear the music...and even shredding stuff is losing it's appeal....

Tuesday....come on along and say hello! This will all be over by then.

Fun day + a note re Kitty Porn...

myrsky — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 08:31:14 +0000

Let's start with the porn - found it whilst packing up a few things and had to share it with you - cos it is cute, right? If you haven't seen it - check my gallery....kitty porn galore!

Well, today is a day I didn't expect or want to happen - having random nasty things cut out of one's body is not a fun experience....don't know exactly what it is, but sometimes it is hard to be positive, especially as whatever this is is right under a scar from a previous piece of nasty being cut out. But....better out that in, and once it is dealt with "Crazy ... plan part four....." can be implemented. And if you think I am losing the ability to count...."Crazy...plan part three...." is next Monday.....and that may count as Fun day part two....*shudders*

I'm not doing too well at this staying away from the computer malarky now am I?

Edit: Surgery done and dusted. It was yuk. There is never enough anæsthetic in these situations as far as I am concerned....fuckers....

Edit two: that thing about the anæsthetic lasting until at least 8pm was crap too.....

Fathers' Day

myrsky — Sun, 15 Jun 2008 07:25:17 +0000

Yes, today is Fathers' Day here in Great Britain. Is it the same everywhere else? I do not know. I'm guessing that America will do it differently - because they tend to ignore the pagan origins of things like this - I know they move Mothers' Day.....but hey....

Three years ago this very weekend my dad died. Go dad! Fathers' Day now takes on a completely new meaning.

Dear Trig....

myrsky — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 07:59:39 +0000

Dear Trig,

I don't want you to take this personally, but the time has come, there is no other way of putting it, so sit down and be prepared for a little bit sad news.....I have absolutely no choice but to leave you.....

...unattended for long periods of time....I really have to do stuff away from the computer - and, in about a week I am going to lose control of my internet connection (my mother might, if I am lucky, let me log on for a few minutes...a week....yes....I am going to be staying with my mum for as short a period of time as possible, she is cool, but we don't get on as well when under the same roof...)

I am about to complete the initial clear out of the flat - the boxes for packing arrive tomorrow and then everything gets packed up and then I leave London - forever. Sad, I love this city, I truly do, but I know I'll never be able to afford to come back, no matter how hard I work, but this is not the place for the next stage in my life - I will miss it, and I know I will probably feel "homesick" for this place...but....what is life without a few terrifying changes?

So....Please don't feel I have abandoned you, I am going to visit as often as I can - and hopefully when I get to Helsinki I will find myself a place with a decent internet connection...

Then I will be back....with more photos and artwork and hopefully life will be happily moving on to it's next phase...

Keep in touch!

Freecycle

myrsky — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 17:09:55 +0000

There is a wonderful system out there in internet land - one of people freely getting rid of things they no longer use to others, for free - simply in order to stop items going into the rubbish and clogging up landfill sites. It is called FREECYCLE

I have three really good quality armchairs I can't take with me on my move, but, because they don't have fire safety certificates dated after 1st April 2002, I can't even give them to charity...but they are now going to a young couple who are starting out in a new flat, even if they just use them for a year until they can buy their own stuff it is great...these chairs are not being wasted...I am happy.

Certainly the freecycle groups near me are pretty active - with offers of a huge variety of items (as well as "wants") and, whilst you obviously have to be careful (in two main ways - letting strange people into your home to pick stuff up/ making sure anything you pick up is not "dangerous") - but if you use common sense....you can give and take - for free - and help to not ruin the planet too much. All good stuff!

Thank you Madame Panic for the tip!

The next two weeks...

myrsky — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 08:53:05 +0000

...I am going to be supremely busy.

I have to pack the house up - and clear out extraneous rubbish and right now I seem not to be able to post on any of Freecycle's yahoogroups in my area - so I may end up having to get a skip and chuck stuff away - which sucks big time - I want to recycle and reuse as much as I can - but that seems to be so hard nowadays.....

I have surgery next Tuesday which is going to make being active a bit annoying - stitches across the back rip open fairly easily....I know, I've done this before - so I need to have the heavy lifting done before then....

I have crazy plan part three coming up - and that will be unpleasant to say the least....but crazy plans should always have an unpleasant aspect, it makes the end product so much more worthwhile.

So....if you see me playing around on trig....please tell me I should really be doing stuff....

Thank you.

Crazy...plan part two...

myrsky — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 10:29:54 +0000

Crazy plan part two was always going to be tough. When you know you have to control one of your greatest weaknesses for starters and then deal with a whole ream of things you are pretty damn crap at - whilst winging it....you know it is going to be a tough thing to get through.

But got through it is. (I'm sure that is not an English sentence...)

Tick that box - part three next....

Family....

myrsky — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 18:53:37 +0000

.....strangely other than my dad and his mum, I never knew any of my dad's family - I know he had brothers and that is about it....my mum never even met them and she was married to him for 37 years before he died....

Anyways, timing as it is....on 17th June it will be 3 years since my dad died (yup, he died on Father's Day...go dad!) , and today, I found pictures he must have given me years ago....seriously, before the point in time when I would have slapped him for writing on the front of pictures in ball point pen....so new to my gallery are 3 pictures - My dad and his mum, my grandma, and the one picture I have ever seen of my paternal grandfather....

Anyone who is good at dating this kinda thing by fashion/hairstyle, please help me out - I am guessing my dad is about 5ish in the pic of him and grandma which would date the pictures to approx 1948....does that go with what the fashion says?

I also found a picture of my very first puddy tat, Daisy Cat. She was a gorgeous grey and white angel and I shall upload the picture of her shortly....