Nikki

Yup, yup.  Sorry, I know, same ol' song' n dance and once again I disappeared.  Meh.  Just tired so much lately.  Travel back and forth, and had a lot of things goin' on that I had to take care of.  I didn't forget anyone, so please no getting mad!

Christmas?  Ba humbug.  Spent it wandering the streets of Manhattan alone and then watching Just Shoot Me! Seasons 1 & 2.

New Years?  Had a long December 31....  When I got back to NY, had to go home, and greet the New Year with the family.  Content on staying home, I get an angry phone call from a friend asking me why I still wasn't at her house party.  Then she tells me of the fact that my ex-best friend and his girlfriend are there.  That's when I tell her that there's no way in Hell I'll be showing up at her house.  She starts bitching at me.  I did promise her before to show up, and her and her sister were leaving that day for a month or so, so I had to show up.

So, an hour wait for the cab and then traffic, approximately at 2:30 AM I made it to a house full of completely shitfaced people who were acting like completele idiots and reprimanding me for not being drunk too.  I spent the most of the night constantly walking away to a quiet room that would soon get filled with people that asking me if I was OK and needed to throw up.  No, I don't, thanks.  I drank a single Corona, I don't need to hurl.  Puffed away like a freakin' chimney to simply be away from people and away from my ex-best friend and his girlfriend who would constantly hug me and tell me how happy they are to see me and act like nothing happened.

Good news?  When my ex-best friend would hug me, I realized that unlike the first time I ran into him in college and a couple of times after that, I wasn't happy to hug him and yearning to have him back as a friend.... I lost all attachment to him and all emotion.  All I have now are memories, with emotions detached.  I'm proud of letting go of that friendship, it doesn't hurt anymore.  But the scar is still there to remind me and to help me distrust people for countless years to come.

On another note; discovered that unfortunately still have feeling for an ex-flame.  Fuck.  Not good at all.