nova_kane

Oooh man.  Today was crazyness. It was the last day of Mardi Gras (known as Fat Tuesday for those who don't know - the last day of celebration before Ash Wednesday.) And its pretty much the coolest thing eva!  I went with one of my best friends and it was hilarious, we were taking lame pictures all day that I'll probably have on here some time soon. But people watching is usually one of the best things to do. There was some guy wearing a leprechaun outfit.. and he was REALLY wasted and as we were walking past him he decided that he wanted to follow me all of a sudden.. kinda scary... O.o But those are the kinds of things you consent to seeing when you put yourself in the middle of the finest, classiest people that the US has to offer. ‎

People were drunk everywhere, the cops were all over the place - some on horses... leaving poo EVERYWHERE.. yeah.. it smelled amazing... - and you always come home smelling like liquor, ciggs, and smoke with a faint hint of urinal from all the port - o - potties. Mmmm... Makes you want to take part, yes?

But fear not! There are better things to be had than just seeing people make very poor outfit choices and the alluring smell of fluids! You can watch drunk people make FOOLS of themselves. And better yet, you can watch SOBER people make fools of themselves - and if you're like me, that's enough for you to make a trip. You don't have to participate in all the disgusting things that go on, its like TV if we had smell-o-vision. Just pick a bench and watch the crowd.

People falling over themselves for no reason, the police arresting people for public intoxication when they KNOW its going to happen no matter what, some guy in the square trying to tell the surging drunken masses about the love of Jesus Christ our Savior... Ahh... I'm going to miss it while I'm in college...

But wait! There's more! If you happen to move from your bench and go in search of food - the radio stations have blocked off half of the places you'd like to go with their "We're gonna throw people the same beads they've been catching all day but with little 97.5 WABB plastic medalions on them! YES!" so of course you cant get pizza or go into the sports bar or the little hot dog vendor because he has no idea whats going on and everything was just stolen from him.

Lesson 1 - eat before you go or leave it in your car / hotel room ‎

Next there's the ever-present port-o-potty. Now this is a very delicate situation. If you have to go bad enough, its really your only option. If you have to pick one, try to look for one that makes you give someone a dollar - drunks don't like to fumble for money, so it will be used far less if you have to resort to them. If you can, go into a local store and use their bathroom regardless of their "customers only" policy. Buy a pack of gum and go - its worth it.

Lesson 2 - potty time is not to be shared with the disgusting masses - find a REAL toilet ‎

Never go alone - its just depressing. Drag one of your friends along, its MUCH more fun that way - two if you can. That way if you decide to, you don't have to drink alone and you still have a DD! But be careful, trying to take care of drunk people in crowds is really hard. Either give them electrified dog collars or plan to leave after most everyone else is gone.

Thats really self explanatory - no lesson. ‎

Most of all, however, DO NOT fight someone over the crappy beads there. You can go buy some from the vendors or from a Mardi Gras store... or Walmart. For free. And you can almost assure yourself that they haven't been in someone's pants. (Which, believe me, is very comforting.) Stuffed animal fighting is acceptable if you're trying to catch it for your child or a child near you and the other guy is just being dumb. That is the ONLY situation in which fighting is even semi-okay. The police WILL arrest you if they see you or if someone decides to make it their business.

Final lesson - Don't fight. Just go buy 1,000 pairs of beads for around $5. You'll get more and you won't end up with crabs.‎