Psychoma

I dream of a vacation, a break from absolutely everything. A pause. I don't mean that I would need to travel somewhere far away eventhough I'd surely love that too. Ohh how I dream of some idyllic place in countryside in France. But no, now I'm more like in need of a mental vacation, setting my mind off from all the drama. Relaxing and concentrating on the moment. Enjoying the present without worrying about the past or the future. Stop making problems bigger than they actually are.

I'm so tired of my extremely negative way of thinking. I don't want to lose the Kirsi that I know I am for real. I don't want to stop getting ridiculously happy when I see a rainbow. I don't want to stop giggling and smiling everytime I find a ladybird on my balcony. I don't want to stop blushing and getting extra heartbeats when people are sweet to me. I don't want to stop crying happytears when things are going well for my favourite character in my favourite tv-serie.
I don't care that people think I'm a fucking weirdo, I just don't want to forget how to enjoy all those tiny little stupid things in my life.

I think worrying about absolutely everything and always thinking the worst scenario out of everything has been my way of protecting myself from disappointments. But what the hell, at some point I'll get disappointed no matter what. Not worth forgetting that life is beautiful.


It’s hard to stay mad, when there’s so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I’m seeing it all at once, and it’s too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that’s about to burst... And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can’t feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life.
- Lester Burnham