samalicious: Blog

Woot!

samalicious — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 22:50:17 +0000

I got my permit! : D
And i only have on more AR test to do
Life is good
Now my mom is looking at cars for me and i'm even more excited
Shannon comes home next week so we're all hanging out tuesday
I get my wisdom teeth taken out next friday :[
So i will be loopy on vicadin and in pain for a couple of days
And look like a chipmunk XD
Summer band starts really soon!!
I'm not entirely looking forward to it, and yet i am
School is... meh
I'm kinda excited about being a junior though :]]
Two more years!!

Sing It Out

samalicious — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 03:09:37 +0000

DCI is tomorrow!
I'm going with the drumline, so it should be super fun
Diana and Harper will also be there so yay
I'm very excited lol
Probably be too excited to sleep XD
Recently i got my hair cut really super short
Once i take a good picture i'll put it up here lol
Hmmm what else....
I saw Wanted with Sinead yesterday
FUCKING BAD ASS MOVIE!!!!!!!
Aaaaaand...
I'm gonna get my permit next week ;D
So watch out if you're on the roads
Hahah just kidding
Me and Randy's ten month anniversary is next week
But what he did for the last anniversary kind of has him covered until we get married or something lol
He got his hair cut short too
It looks alot better
He's a cutie : P
Anywho, i'm done ranting now
I bid you adieu

That Was...

samalicious — Sun, 06 Jul 2008 02:11:56 +0000

Aweosme!!!
Just got back from warped tour
It was really hot and i'm really sunburned but it was worth it
Sadly Dakota and Valeria wanted to shop more than listen to bands so i went off with randy and saw
part of Relient K, Between the Trees, something with dead fish in it lol idr, Norma Jean, and i got to listen to one song of Say Anything before i had to leave :[[
We freaking left at five and it ended at ten
I was sad
Then we went to this snake farm with a whole bunch of animals lol
It was kinda cool
And then ihop
Yay
Now i'm tired
Sooooo yeah :]

Guess What?

samalicious — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 14:31:31 +0000

I'm freaking going to Warped Tour in like 10 minutes!!!
Ah super excited
I'm going with Valeria and Dakota but Randy and Jacob are coming too
Other people are going with us and with Randy but i don't know them
Oh well
I hope i don't get sick like the last concert :[
So i brought an altoid's case full of advil
Yayyy
Omg i'm typing really fast
Hoping they will come pick me up
Lots of things have happened since my last blog
Randy got me a super cool promise ring
I'm lazy and haven't uploaded them yet
It's amazing
Uhhhh
Not much else
I went to Schlitterbahn
anddddd
I dunno
School got out
Yayyy
Freaking a i'm so excited
I might throw up
Well no
I'm gonna stop now while i'm ahead
Later :]

Prom

samalicious — Wed, 14 May 2008 00:31:36 +0000

Was way more amazing than words can describe
There's a few pictures i uploaded
They're pretty big, so you should full size them :]]]

Hey

samalicious — Wed, 07 May 2008 03:21:51 +0000

Wait!
Oh... nevermind

Please Hear What I'm Not Saying

samalicious — Sat, 03 May 2008 21:53:43 +0000

Don't be fooled by me.
Don't be fooled by the face I wear
For I wear a mask, a thousand masks,
Masks that I'm afraid to take off
And none of them is me.

Pretending is an art that's second nature with me,
but don't be fooled,
for God's sake don't be fooled.
I give you the impression that I'm secure,
that all is sunny and unruffled with me,
within as well as without,
that confidence is my name and coolness my game,
that the water's calm and I'm in command
and that I need no one,
but don't believe me.

My surface may be smooth but
my surface is my mask,
ever-varying and ever-concealing.
Beneath lies no complacence.
Beneath lies confusion, and fear, and aloneness.
But I hide this. I don't want anybody to know it.
I panic at the thought of my weakness exposed.
That's why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,
a nonchalant sophisticated facade,
to help me pretend,
to shield me from the glance that knows.

But such a glance is precisely my salvation,
my only hope, and I know it.
That is, if it is followed by acceptance,
If it is followed by love.
It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself
from my own self-built prison walls
from the barriers that I so painstakingly erect.
It's the only thing that will assure me
of what I can't assure myself,
that I'm really worth something.
But I don't tell you this. I don't dare to. I'm afraid to.

I'm afraid you'll think less of me,
that you'll laugh, and your laugh would kill me.
I'm afraid that deep-down I'm nothing
and that you will see this and reject me.

So I play my game, my desperate, pretending game
With a facade of assurance without
And a trembling child within.
So begins the glittering but empty parade of Masks,
And my life becomes a front.
I tell you everything that's really nothing,
and nothing of what's everything,
of what's crying within me.
So when I'm going through my routine
do not be fooled by what I'm saying.
Please listen carefully and try to hear what I'm not saying,
what I'd like to be able to say,
what for survival I need to say,
but what I can't say.

I don't like hiding.
I don't like playing superficial phony games.
I want to stop playing them.
I want to be genuine and spontaneous and me
but you've got to help me.
You've got to hold out your hand
even when that's the last thing I seem to want.
Only you can wipe away from my eyes
the blank stare of the breathing dead.
Only you can call me into aliveness.
Each time you're kind, and gentle, and encouraging,
each time you try to understand because you really care,
my heart begins to grow wings --
very small wings,
but wings!

With your power to touch me into feeling
you can breathe life into me.
I want you to know that.
I want you to know how important you are to me,
how you can be a creator--an honest-to-God creator --
of the person that is me
if you choose to.
You alone can break down the wall behind which I tremble,
you alone can remove my mask,
you alone can release me from the shadow-world of panic,
from my lonely prison,
if you choose to.
Please choose to.

Do not pass me by.
It will not be easy for you.
A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls.
The nearer you approach me
the blinder I may strike back.
It's irrational, but despite what the books may say about man
often I am irrational.
I fight against the very thing I cry out for.
But I am told that love is stronger than strong walls
and in this lies my hope.
Please try to beat down those walls
with firm hands but with gentle hands
for a child is very sensitive.

Charles C. Finn
- One of my favorite poems

With Every Waking Breath

samalicious — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 01:05:12 +0000

I'm here
Run kicking and screaming towards your future
I'm patiently besides you
Cover your ears and close your eyes
I'll push you towards home
Hide under your pillow
I'll scare away the monsters
Clasp your hand in mine
I'll love you forever

random thoughts while in the shower : P
I think best when naked
jkjkjkjk X]

I'm Not Loves Fool

samalicious — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 02:07:20 +0000

For you:
You're fighting the monster you created.
A war that didn't have to be.
You're swinging your sword everywhere.
One fail swoop and it cuts into me.
You're closing your eyes to the world.
Sweet darling, what do you see?
You're so far away right in front of me.
What happened to how things used to be?

Handfasting

samalicious — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 01:59:40 +0000

Vic wanted to see the handfasting ritual me and randy are doing:

You cannot possess me for I belong to myself.
But while we both wish it, I give you that which is mine to give.
You cannot command me for I am a free person. But I shall serve you in those ways you require and the honeycomb will taste sweeter coming from my hand.
I pledge to you that yours will be the name I cry aloud in the night, and the eyes into which I smile in the morning.
I pledge to you the first bite from my meat and the first drink from my cup.
I pledge to you my living and my dying, each equally in your care. I shall be a shield for your back, and you for mine.
I shall not slander you, nor you me. I shall honor you above all others, and when we quarrel, we shall do so in private and tell no strangers our grievances.
This is my wedding vow to you.
This is the marriage of equals.

Very cute :]]]
Some of the things about crying names aloud and first bite of meat are kinda funny though

Music For My Soul

samalicious — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 02:48:05 +0000

Your heartbeat is pulsing at night in your chest
It's gold and it's glowing with all the life you have left
I received your words from hospitals
Where you felt alone
Your words like smoke, they made me sick
But they kept me warm

Run where you'll be safe
Through the garden gates
To the shelter of magnolias

Eyes like sea glass, so weathered and worn
From all they've seen of adolescence torn
The lovers who have tainted you
They pulled you into the night
They touched your skin with velvet gloves
And made you feel alive

Run where you'll be safe
Through the garden gates
To the shelter of magnolias
There's not much time
The blush in the sky begins to fade

You were weathered and worn
Your petals soft and torn
The fading color
You have bent your shoulders
To hold the weight of the world
You will surely shatter

Run where you'll be safe
Through the garden gates
To the shelter of magnolias
There's not much time
The blush in the sky begins to fade

Well

samalicious — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 01:50:02 +0000

LSDJFLAJKFKELKNFEHJOFh98329ryfhewdvk LDvgfo;jg90u9348rthk32 ltje4; t342t8
FUCK

yeah
ok
i'm out
poetry would be nice right now
but what the fuck would that matter

The Fading Color

samalicious — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 02:42:09 +0000

Go ahead and run with your tail between your legs
I'm chasing you madly, but you don't stop
Let me catch my breath for a moment
Wait up, I'm so close
I can see you in the distance
Why are you so far away?
Weren't you safe with me?
I fall to my knees
I don't know where I am now

My new favorite song is Magnolia by the Hush Sound

Don't Care

samalicious — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 21:39:31 +0000

Chains
Pull them tighter so i can't move
Words
Yell them louder so i'll listen

Yeah ok i don't even know where that poem was going
Pretty muchhhhhh all i hafta say is
yeah right
like it's not about him
you guys are liars
fuck you

Oh, and thanks for trying so hard...

Like No One You've Ever Met

samalicious — Sun, 23 Mar 2008 16:09:51 +0000

I'm awake now
I've wiped the sleep from the corners of my long shut eyes
I can stand now
I've stretched my weary, restless limbs
I can see now
I've pulled back the curtains and let the light in
But... draw them closed again
I don't like what i see outside my window

Lol randommmm and doesn't have anything to do with how i'm feeling really, just randomly came into my head
Gotta go get ready to go to Randy's now

Freakin' A

samalicious — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 14:44:43 +0000

I haven't written a blog in FOREVER
Hmmm so what's happened since March 4th
Diana and Harper's birthday party! Which mean lots of scary john huskin twister. lol
And playing taboo where randy kept getting all the ridiculously weird ones right like ecstasy and thong
Then this past Saturday i went to Ashley's house and we went to go get Dakota. We played on a soapy slip n slide for maybe 10 minutes... after taking 20 to set it up X]
Before that we played an INTENSE game of monopoly and played 4 hours of guitar hero
We were just waiting around for Jimmy to get off work so we could hang out
So when Jimmy came over we went and got Randy and Jimmy drove around like a fucking maniac through a river and almost hit a little girl (Lol not really)
We drove back to Ashley's and had to go pick up tin foil and plates for a barbecue
Then the dumpster behind the Dollar Store caught on fire and we drove to the place next to watch the fire department put it out from the top of Jimmy's car
Hmmm so drove back to Ashley's, got some food, and headed over to Randy's where we sat on his trampoline. Jacob came over too, i'm pretty sure he thinks all i do is beat him up.
Dakota clothes lined her self on Randy's clothes line... lol and the next morning she didn't remember anything
Jimmy was being stupid though... jeeeezzz
Then me and Dakota slept over at Ashley's
I use then alot
The next morning i went home and my dad took me shopping :[[[
And after all that i finally got to go to Randy's and we watched music and lyrics and had a terribly AMAZING day : D
So today is Saint Patrick's day
Randy, Jacob, and Dakota are coming over to my house aaaaand idk what we're doing
But it'll be cool XP
Anyways, i'm gonna go take a shower and then i hafta go to a Chiropractic appointment first
Latah fools

The Ocean Turned To Red

samalicious — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 02:27:23 +0000

Words fall on deaf ears
Like sand through the sieve of your mind
I watch my hand pass through you
A phantasm of the moment
Your sad eyes staring back at mine
Nothing can reach you in your fortress

Stand up
There's a world waiting for you
If only you could grasp it

My poetry is on lines of random thought
It makes sense to me
I use it so only those who try can see how i feel i suppose...

Totally What I Think

samalicious — Sun, 02 Mar 2008 18:34:10 +0000

Welcome
To the days of wariness
Where im feeling
An echo inside my chest
I've a heart beating
Patiently along
Waiting for the other
Half of its song
It's song

No, it's not enough
Don't touch my hand
And call it love
If you can't hold it
Tight tonight
If you're not
Strong enough

And times
Have told the ways
Things come to light
Realizing a lack
In your will to fight
Despite words
Crying inconsistencies
As you fall uneasily
To your knees

No, it's not enough
Don't touch my hand
And call it love
If you can't hold it
Tight tonight
If you're not
Strong enough

I'm not blind
To what you're doing here
Make me feel like
I'm special, but my dear
I have seen through
A weakness in your eyes
You don't know it
But you're telling me lies

You will soon wake to see
There is no heart
In anything you say to me
Thought we'd found a harmony
A perfect match of melodies
But if you listen closely now
I've been singing all alone

No, it's not enough
Don't touch my hand
And call it love
If you can't hold it
Tight tonight
If you're not
Strong enough

Time Peels Off Your Statued Skin

samalicious — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 23:51:25 +0000

Sooo yeah. I'm bored.
Went to Dakota's house with randy and jacob and that was pretty fun : P
Thennnn yesterday me and randy went to the chiropractor and just chilled as usual
Now i'm just hanging around the house watching tv and txting
Lol
Buttt i'm gonna take a shower to waste an hour
Then watch some movies and stuff
Don't have any clue what i'm doing this weekend really...
Oh well
C'est la vie

She'll Wipe Away Your Tears

samalicious — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 05:03:09 +0000

She'll wipe away your tears
I won't even know you cried them

She'll wipe away your tears
And then everything is alright again

She'll wipe away your tears
Laying side by side

She'll wipe away your tears
Let's talk this over; just cast everything aside

She'll wipe away your tears
But sweetheart

Everything is fine

So i was trying to sleep but these random lines of bad poetry came into my head, so i had to get it down
I guess i'll go to sleep now

Memories Like Embers Keep Us Warm

samalicious — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 02:13:13 +0000

So i pretty much got the most AMAZING prom dress ever : D
Most of the ones i tried on were too big cause i'm really skinny
But this one i tried on was just perfect and i was like ohhhh myyyy god :]]]
Randy likes it too so i'm excited
My hair cut is awesome tooooooo
So this weekend ended up being pretty good
Today is me and randy's 5 month anniversary :]]]]]]
Yayyyy
We just sat in my hot tub all day, lol
I LOVE HIMMMMM (lol i know he's gonna read this ;D)
Or he better
So he can see that i love him lotssss
My dad had some friend from online come over to buy his old computer
It was weird me and randy are sitting there in the hot tub and my dad and the guy come out and it was just... strange
Y'know random guy and now he's seen us pretty much half naked
lol
Anyways i gotta go write a stupid english essay :[[[

And She's Gone

samalicious — Sat, 23 Feb 2008 15:24:58 +0000

Soooo i'm gonna go take a shower
Then it's off to get my hair cut with my mom
From there to the mall to go dress shopping :]]]
Yayyyy
And then i'm going to vicky's and harper is gonna come over
Then maybe i'll go to harper's house tonight, even though her parents aren't there >:]
Lol and idk what i'm doing tomorrow yet
Anywho, gotta go

Silence

samalicious — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 03:52:55 +0000

This Welcome Is Gone Now

samalicious — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 23:28:32 +0000

Soooo i've been sad for a week now and i'm STRESSED OUT HARDCORE
I can't really pay attention anymore and i am really tired...
I've grown impatient now...

I'm changing things too much
Taking the story of your life into my trembling hands
Tearing the blank pages out
Let's set them aflame

Hello To High and Dry

samalicious — Sun, 17 Feb 2008 01:33:04 +0000

Today was a bad day
Along with last night, i am not in a good mood :[[[
But i got to see Jumper, and it was cool : D
I want some really awesome guy to take me to Rome and seduce me with his amazing ability to hang up my clothes
Ahahah XP
Oh well...
*Deep sigh*