SarahB

I don't like to make resolutions for the new year. I make them any time I like, be in the start of a year or right smack in the middle. I don't like to rank/rate my years or vow to have a better one next time. The truth is, life is a personal evolution, we change all the time and to me New Year is the dullest, most utterly pointless "celebration" of them all. Its a fucking joke. Its an excuse for people to get pissed, no-one actually looks back and counts their blessings or takes time out to reflect. At least, not many of us anyway.

So since I won't be celebrating the fact that 2008 is almost upon us - c'mon its just another year like the billions before it (yawn) - I think instead I'm gonna write this blog. NOT to rant, though. Oh no, this is a positive blog to count my blessings, get over my losses and hopefully go on to better things. This isn't about rating my year, its about trying to see how far I've come and try to get my head around everything else. I suggest everyone does the same!

I think I'll get the bad stuff out of the way first.

Well, I lost two friends. One simply developed a bad attitude, we fell out and I have no desire to resurrect our friendship. She just changed for the worse and I no longer know her. I actually got so stressed at one point I threw up and had to leave work. And now? Well boo-fucking-hoo, its her loss. I don't know why the hell I blamed myself, she's the one who fucked up. This is a closed door. Locked? I think so...

The other, my more respectable and loving friend Natalie, sadly passed away. Let me tell you, when a friend passes away and leaves you behind it makes you grateful to the point of guilty. Even the fact that I'm able to listen to new music and watch new TV shows, just because she can't anymore...how silly is that? I miss her, she loved Christmas so this time of year is especially sad knowing she loved it so much. But its a lesson too, to be grateful for your time. She was beautiful. Just look at the pic, do I really need to explain?

 

I also said goodbye to little Jack, one of my Guinea Pigs. Loved the little dude. I guess that makes three friends

Next up is the fact that I fell totally OUT of love with my job. Its been a thorn in my side for ages but I WILL correct the situation. A new year resolution? Actually no, I've been trying for ages. Call it more of a new year wish for luck.

That was all the bad I can think of. Now for the good part!

As an artist I've changed more than I could have imagined. My gallery is a prime example of how much my styles and influences have changed, and how I've improved and modified my techniques. This year has been one of my most creative and I don't think my muse has been so alive and well in a looooong time. In keeping with the creative side of things, I also started writing for Rock Industry magazine and of course I became a graphics artist for Mama Trash. With a sucky job I had to be creative in other ways and my personal and freelance work is the perfect outlet.

  

Going back to friendship, Layla grew to be my best friend. I knew her long before this year but we didn't have the chance to get to know each other so well in the past. But in the last nine or ten months me and my sister have been hanging out with her a lot, going to gigs and out shopping, walking around the beautiful gardens at Trentham, staying at our place and basically just being ourselves (thats the best way, right). Some people just click and we certainly have.

On an even more personal level, I think I've grown in confidence. For those who don't know, I've always been scared of big social events and - to a certain degree - of people. Its only been the past few years that I've started going to gigs and to The Sugarmill club. As a teenager I never did that stuff. But this year especially I've become better with crowds and better with gigs and parties. My self confidence is at an all-time high. Now I'll headbang like an idiot in the most public of places and speak to any random stranger. Although men still continue to disinterest me greatly.

Finally, heres a whole bunch of other stuff that I'm grateful for...

Its been a fucking FANTASTIC year for music. Music being the key to my soul, thats a great thing to report! I discovered the brutal noise that is Hecate, Nightwish left me breathless with Dark Passion Play, my favorite heavyweights Arch Enemy came back with Rise Of The Tyrant, Within Temptation unleashed The Heart Of Everything, Aiden impressed me with Conviction, HIM left me weak at the knees with Venus Doom, The 69 Eyes wowed me with Angels, Tarja returned with My Winter Storm, as did Roisin with Overpowered, I fell head over heels for Deathstars, Fall Out Boy, Type O Negative and even more so for the Ramones...the list is endless!! My album of the year? Venus Doom. HIM have me wrapped around their little fingers.

The family holiday. I miss Oddicombe beach, it was so nice there. And again my creative side came out when we visited the ruins of the castle Berry Pomeroy.

I finally took my sister to New York and we had a blast. Sure it was fucking freezing but we saw some Broadway shows and purchased enough manga to last us a lifetime lol

Gigs!! I got to see Within Temptation twice, The 69 Eyes, Bullets and Octane, Aiden and HIM. I now also have tickets booked for some upcoming 2008 gigs, namely Nightwish and Korn. Yay!

One memory that sticks out is a day trip to Wales. For me it was the calm after a very nasty storm and walking along the beach barefoot felt so good. All of my troubles were behind me in England and that day I wouldn't say I started over - NEVER start over - but rather evolved into someone better. Back home I deleted the necessary email addresses, phone numbers, images...shredded photos, drawings...erased the negative from my life.

Ink and plenty of it. I got four new tattoos this year, bringing my total to six.

 

So there it is, my reflections for the year. I'm sure there is much I've missed but its still a lot!!

Your turn...

SarahB xxx

"I know that the night must end, and that the sun will rise. I know that the clouds must clear, and that the sun will shine..."