scarletdog

Note/disclaimer, this picture is some random flickr post that came up when I googled sucking dick... if she didn't want this picture to be seen or used by anyone else it wouldn't be on flickr tagged as sucking dick.  Her name is Rockgirl2670 -  I read her profile, she's into dogs, burning man and taking picures  - I think she's totally cool.  More on that later.




Earlier today someone asked me if I ever get remote crushes.  I said 'huh?' because it was early in the morning and I'm not a morning person.  What they meant was, do I ever get crushes on people I meet on-line or notice either through music or other sources of entertainment. 

Sure.  For a bit, until the next hottie catches my eye.  I think that most people with any sort of imagination can experience these 'remote crushes' from time to time.  Mostly it's a 'wow, cute. and talented. and a smarty-pants - I'd like to 'know' * that one'   I've always been drawn to people who are really good at what they do - I like focused, driven and talented people, but who doesn't?  Okay, and smart-ass guys in eyeliner - since I was about seven.  That may be a bit wack, especially as most of the eyeliner-guys that I've dated haven't really been all that smart, when you really get down to it... goddamn Revlon Corporation.

Then came the 'well, what do you do about them?  these crushes?'  I answered... 'ahhh... nothing.'  What would you have me do?  I'd make a horrible groupie, being a sarcastic bitch with enough self-esteem to keep myself off of a stippers pole.  Thinking someone is attractive isn't even enough of a reason for me to buy a song off of iTunes - and not just because I hate the idea of buying a single rather than an entire album. And I'm certainly not down with chasing journal friends about... So really, 'sup with this line of questioning... made me think...

'Okay dudette, what's going on with you?  Are you in need of adult supervision?  Are you cheating on your man with an 'internet' relationship?'  Gross.  I had an ex that was big into internet 'friendships'  I've probably mentioned that before - online he's much cooler -  a better musician, articulate, caring, smarter and more involved than in real-life. (For all that I kick at him I really did like him for a long time.) Me, I'm a dork no matter which way you slice it, and I'm okay with that.  Hey, I can't help it that I snort when I laugh really hard.

Or are you just spending a lot of time fantasizing about some rock and roll dude who struck a pose that turned you on?  Where's the shame, that's what they are there for.  Spill.  Fantasizing never hurt anyone - as long as you don't call your actual lover somone elses name... Seriously, I'm with George Carlin - edit your Christian ten commandments and get rid of fantasizing about the opposite sex.  Not even a god is entitled to what goes on in my mind...

On that track, has anyone ever asked you the dreaded "What are you thinking?" question and you've got nothing.  And I mean really nothing, becuase you've been sitting there completely blank. Ever watch TV with the sound off?  Like that - just relaxing and not paying attention to them what-so-ever as they babel on about wha guage speaker wire they prefer/why Rush is awesome/ what they want for dinner/ how cool that Dinosaur Jr show you saw ten years ago was/why emo sucks... It's probably painfully obvious what my answer to that question is.  Anf for the record, I'm not actually sure what emo is, other than a hair style.  It's a cute hair style and all the guys wear eyeliner.  Where's the harm in that.  Emo could be a gateway to other things, kinda like marijuanna is for some to e and cocaine...

Ayawy, how many times does a woman get to say 'nothing' when asked what they are thingking, or what's wrong because they've been sitting there quietly, not nagging or arguing or rambling on themselves about whatever innanity has just stumbled it's way across their mental landscape.... and not end up facing a third degreee or a surly 'fine, whatever then?'  Not very fucking often.  Certainly not as often as I am wont to tune out information that I'm not interested in. 'Wow, you like Rush?  Superfantastic - you can wax on as long as your little heart desieres, don't ever play it when I'm in the car, mmmmkthanks'  and all I'll remember about the next forty-five minutes is that I decided to plant all white tulips next year...

----And by the way, did you know that the best technique to use on someone who wants to make you listen to Rush is to offer the deal that for every Rush song that you have to listen to (and they run looooong) they have to listen to two Ani DeFranco/Be Good Tanyas/Po'Girl/Sarah Harmon songs.  No Rush fan has ever taken me up on that offer, but I have enough folky chick music on my iPod to back up that threat.----

And that my friends, is why I probably won't ever ask you what you're thinking.  That and the fact that I think it's actually an invasion of privacy.  Dude, leave me with something for myself.  Need to communicate?  Why not try "what do you want to talk about" or "what do you think about"  or "I saw/read/heard that ..." to try and start some interaction... much more respectful and far less lazy than a smarmy 'what are you thinking about?' You know you ask it in that stupid baby-voice you think she likes, but totally doesn't. 

So anyway, apparently you don't have to be Catholic to experience guilt when fantasizing about some scrawny guitar player when gettin'sooom from the man you actually date.  I say, lame like unflavoured pudding is lame. You know, but don't want to admit, that he's off on cloud 9 with some chick he saw on an internet porn site he found when he googled 'sucking dick' or 'gang bang' anyway.  Dudette, I dare you to check his internet history.  Go on.  Do it. 

And you thought that picture had nothing to do with this journal entry...




* 'know' may or may not mean in the biblical sense.