Blog post 'Waiting for true love'
Waiting for true love
- Published: 154 days ago
- Comments: 0
- Reads: 26
I think wisdom is having the benefit of experience and intelligence, but then knowing where the theories begin and end.
When we have create a "dream person" image (proforma), I think we lose sight of the beginning and ending of our relationship inputs/outputs. We sabotage ourselves through too much trust in our own knowledge. We forget where the knowledge begins and ends in it's application to real life. We RELY too much on the head, and we don't free up the heart. The good thing about children is that they are not loaded up with programs taught to them by the world. Their hearts run wild and relationships come naturally to them.
I was standing up at the blues concert yesterday and this baby started playing peekaboo with me. She didn't have any parameters. So our relationship was fleeting, but a resounding success. Her smile was literally "disarming". I had to forget about my masks representation. She took the lead, and I was the follower. She was about 1 year old.
I think the concept of a bar being raised to a certain standard is not a useful paradigm to use in relationships. It brings with it a bunch of implications and limitations which are certainly absurd. I don't know how these impoverished analogies survive so well in our vernacular. The first problem with the bar analogy is that it is linear - this implies a polarity (presumably between good and bad) of how well a person fits your proforma (which is also assumed (that you have to have it)). The lowering of the bar then implies an integrity deficit which casts a pall on the relationship which would almost certainly be a fatal flaw. It is in fact a curse. This dooms either party to feel unfulfilled in the relationship.
Another constraint that we put on relationships is the expectations of inputs and outputs. This almost cirtainly destroys the part of the dynamic which makes a romantic relationship romantic in the first place. The inevitable occurrence of a shortfall in someone's expectation will lead to unnecessary disappointment. This dooms either party to feel unfulfilled in the relationship. Why not leave the expectations at the door, find someone who lights you up when they walk into the room and consider every good thing, that comes out of spending more time with them, as a bonus.
Pretend to be a child again, and imagine that you never learned any of the other bullshit that led you to those expectations in the first place. People with "high expectations" outsmart themselves. They are their own worse enemy. The fear of compromise is an irrational fear. Nothing good comes out of a fear-based directive.
Learn to love who you are - take your loved one's word for it. Then learn to love others. Don't think too much, but focus on the expression of love - giving it rather than receiving it. Get off this website and just get out in the world where you can regularly rub shoulders with all sorts of people (of the opposite sex) of roughly a compatible age. Change jobs if your existing one is stealing your life. Be willing to relocate.
There is certainly no "waiting" to be done. You need to get your arse out there in amongst it. You should be too busy meeting people to think about waiting for true love to show up.
When we have create a "dream person" image (proforma), I think we lose sight of the beginning and ending of our relationship inputs/outputs. We sabotage ourselves through too much trust in our own knowledge. We forget where the knowledge begins and ends in it's application to real life. We RELY too much on the head, and we don't free up the heart. The good thing about children is that they are not loaded up with programs taught to them by the world. Their hearts run wild and relationships come naturally to them.
I was standing up at the blues concert yesterday and this baby started playing peekaboo with me. She didn't have any parameters. So our relationship was fleeting, but a resounding success. Her smile was literally "disarming". I had to forget about my masks representation. She took the lead, and I was the follower. She was about 1 year old.
I think the concept of a bar being raised to a certain standard is not a useful paradigm to use in relationships. It brings with it a bunch of implications and limitations which are certainly absurd. I don't know how these impoverished analogies survive so well in our vernacular. The first problem with the bar analogy is that it is linear - this implies a polarity (presumably between good and bad) of how well a person fits your proforma (which is also assumed (that you have to have it)). The lowering of the bar then implies an integrity deficit which casts a pall on the relationship which would almost certainly be a fatal flaw. It is in fact a curse. This dooms either party to feel unfulfilled in the relationship.
Another constraint that we put on relationships is the expectations of inputs and outputs. This almost cirtainly destroys the part of the dynamic which makes a romantic relationship romantic in the first place. The inevitable occurrence of a shortfall in someone's expectation will lead to unnecessary disappointment. This dooms either party to feel unfulfilled in the relationship. Why not leave the expectations at the door, find someone who lights you up when they walk into the room and consider every good thing, that comes out of spending more time with them, as a bonus.
Pretend to be a child again, and imagine that you never learned any of the other bullshit that led you to those expectations in the first place. People with "high expectations" outsmart themselves. They are their own worse enemy. The fear of compromise is an irrational fear. Nothing good comes out of a fear-based directive.
Learn to love who you are - take your loved one's word for it. Then learn to love others. Don't think too much, but focus on the expression of love - giving it rather than receiving it. Get off this website and just get out in the world where you can regularly rub shoulders with all sorts of people (of the opposite sex) of roughly a compatible age. Change jobs if your existing one is stealing your life. Be willing to relocate.
There is certainly no "waiting" to be done. You need to get your arse out there in amongst it. You should be too busy meeting people to think about waiting for true love to show up.
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- Trigs
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