xpranksx

What is in the back seat of your car right now?
rohypnol, pepper spray, stun-gun, handcuffs, bullwhip, a ball-gag, duct tape and ru486

Name 3 people who made you smile today?
Hmm, Cara and that’s about it. Everyone else is being a dick today or ignoring me which is the same thing.



What were you doing at 8 am this morning?
Working on my economic stimulus plan for the country which basically involves mass quantities of astro-glide and free porn delivered to every household in the country. This would affect people’s willingness to leave the house thus reducing fuel consumption and ultimately our dependence on foreign oil.



What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
Solving the illegal immigration problem with my plan to invade fucking Mexico… you Canadian bastards are next!

What is your favorite board game?
I kill at Monopoly and Scrabble

What is the last thing you said aloud?
Woof

What is the best ice cream flavor?
Spanish fly

What are you wearing right now?
A red loin cloth and war paint

What was the last thing you ate?
PopaRie, because I like it dry and crunchy

Have you bought any new clothing items this week?
Spandex short shorts and thigh high tube socks

When was the last time you ran?
You can’t run from Gonorrhea

What's the last sporting event you watched?
Duh, the greatest sport ever… women’s beach volleyball.



If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?
The People’s Republic of Boulder to beat up hippies

Who is the last person you sent a message on myspace?
Umm, Alex I think

Ever go camping?
I like to pretend I’m camping when I wake up in the stand of Aspen trees in my neighbors yard

Have you ever lost anything down a toilet?
My cookies

Do you use smiley faces on the computer a lot?
Until some perfects the fuck off smiley face there’s not many options

Do you drink your soda from a straw?
There are too many variables involving fluid dynamics to find an easy way to drink breast milk from a straw

What did your last text message say?
Ask the FBI they collect, study and decode every text message sent

Are you someone's best friend?
Whoa, I don’t need that kind of pressure

What are you doing tomorrow?
Nude kayaking

Where is your mom right now?
At the hospital directing incoming calls

Look to your left, what do you see?
Omar al-Bashir

What color is your watch?
I have a red and black Punisher watch but it’s too big and I’m too lazy to get it sized so yeah

Ever ridden on a roller coaster?
Yes but I’ve never ridden Benazir Bhutto

Have you ever had your heart broken?
One day I’ll have quadruple bypass surgery and everything will be all better

Do you have a dog?
Corndogs are nasty!

Last person you talked to on the phone?
Jeremiah, was not nor has he ever been a bullfrog

Have you met anyone famous?
Like Pope John Paul the 2nd, no never

Any plans tonight?
Rush hour and full fontal nudity, yeah! I’ll be the naked dude on the side of the road

Are you happy?
As happy as a Tracheotomy!

Where are you right now?
I’ll give you a couple of clues, trench coat, digital camera with a super zoom lens, public swimming pool

Biggest annoyance in your life right now?
Having less than a million dollars by about a million dollars

Last song listened to?
Well if I was listening I would know the answer

Last movie you saw?
Beowolf, it kind of sucked ass

Are you allergic to anything?
Water chestnuts

Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time?
big black boots

Are you jealous of anyone?
Edgar Allen Poe, because chick dig him even though he fell in love with his then 7 year old cousin and then married her at age 13.

Creepy dude, creepy!

Is anyone jealous of you?
Kobe Bryant, because I don’t have to rape chicks to get booty

What time is it?
2:20

Do any of your friends have children?
Yes and some are even expecting

Do you eat healthy?
Why bother universal health care is on the way